$arah Palin's Quest To Bring Down 22-Year-Old Cyber Menace Who Guessed Her Yahoo! Password Two Years Ago

Awful arctic drifter $arah Palin is apparently getting bored making boatloads of money by quitting her day job(s) so she can put all her energies into doing what she does best: nothing!

Except, of course, when using her vast political knowledge and expertise on all security matters to help bring to justice a terrible blight on humanity, an evil elitist college student who discovered her dumb e-mail password was easier to penetrate than daughter Bristol, and managed to upload a few screen shots to some obscure web forum, leading to a day or two of harmless pranks, thus compromising the security of the entire United States.

Sarah Palin testified Friday against a 22-year-old man accused of hacking into her e-mail account, saying later it’s up to the judge to decide whether he should serve prison time if convicted.

Palin testified that the hacking compromised one of the main ways she communicated with her family back in Alaska as she campaigned in 2008 as the Republican vice presidential candidate. Outside the courthouse, when asked whether she thought community service was punishment enough rather than prison, she said, “That’s up to the judge.”

Former University of Tennessee student David Kernell faces up to 50 years in federal prison if convicted of identity theft, mail fraud and two other felony charges. His lawyer has called the case a prank, not a crime.

Asked outside court if she thought the charges against Kernell were excessive, Palin said, “I don’t know, but I do think there should be consequences for bad behavior.”

Like having a baby out of wedlock before graduating high school and being rewarded with a cushy job as president of your own PR firm as the harsh consequence of your careless actions?? Or something like that.

Either way, this type of criminal behavior must be stopped (at all costs!) before more innocent people get hurt by this out-of-control cyber madman hellbent on humiliating $arah and the entire precious Palin family by correctly guessing her incredibly easy e-mail password hint two years ago. Hooray!

The former Alaska governor testified that she used the “gov.palin” Yahoo account and a Blackberry for almost all communication with her family while campaigning as the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee.

Palin’s husband, Todd, listened as she testified. Their daughter Bristol testified earlier this week that she got harassing calls and text messages after screen shots of e-mail from the account revealed her cell phone number.

A former Palin aide also described receiving vulgar e-mails.

Kernell isn’t accused of the harassment. But prosecutors say he improperly gained access to Palin’s e-mail account in September 2008 by correctly providing her birth date and ZIP code and correctly answering that Wasilla is where she met her husband.

The nerve of that guy Kernell, using the vast knowledge he acquired reading the first two sentences of her Wikipedia page to unlock the secrets of $arah’s mind, and correctly answer “Wasilla High” as the super-secret place where she met her hunky husband Todd.

Surely, the CIA should know about this ingenious college code cracker, who could dismantle a nuclear bomb with his savvy ability to outsmart Yahoo’s stealthy “Change Your Password Scheme” by guessing what mind-blowingly obvious password a vapid, former half-term governor would pick to ensure the highest levels of security for the free online e-mail service on which she conducts official state business, and other very important matters like the next high ranking Alaskan official to be blackballed for slighting her highness.

One would think $arah would simply be embarrassed that the so-called “hacker” was able to pull off the heist by possessing two widely available things: a knowledge that the series of tubes known as the Internets in fact exists, and a half hour or so of free time.

Most people would be, but not our sweet $arah!

Instead, $arah can reset her password to something a tad more challenging like lipstick, maverick, teabag, retarded, moose stew, Facebook, teleprompter, or, if she wants to be really secure, hopey-changey, and the hapless college student will probably rot in a jail cell for the next fifty years or so.

And $arah Palin will get even richer off this faux-victimization act, justice will be served, and all will be right in the world.

You betcha!

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