Elections « Democralypse Now – The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Except If You're Republican & Your Boyfriend Is A Cardboard Cutout Of Barack Obama

It is no secret that Republicans loooove to carry on fake conversations with inanimate objects pretending to be their #1 enemy Barack Hussein Obama. For one thing, they never talk back or flash a charming smile or even so much as a single cogent thought from their non-existent heads. Just the way Republicans […]

It's All About The O: Michelle Obama Wins Election For Barack, Twitter For Herself

Oooooh yeah, that’s my girl. Look how sexy she looks in her hot rhubarb dress, talking ’bout how naturally awesome I am at this whole presidentin’ thing, letting all the ladies know why there’s only one man with the (basket)balls big enough to fill her the Oval Office, and give America what it really needs […]

Pray The Gale Away: Even Hurricane Isaac Wants Nothing To Do With Tampa Or The RNC

A few days ago the decision was made by RNC organizers to employ the Bush Doctrine and preemptively strike down all convention activites on Monday to avoid a potentially disastrous, massive washing-away of the similarly massive eat mor chikin, do les xrsize convention delegate crowd.

I know what you’re thinking. Why on God’s once-green […]

Big Head Tom & The (UN) Monsters In Lubbock County, Texas

Every Republican worth their weight in Texas T-Bones knows there is never, ever, EVER a reason to raise taxes on the good people of these United States of Jesus, so help them God.

Err, except one.

If for some reason that no-good, chocolatey-skinned NOBAMER feller were to win reelection, God forbid, and hand over the sovereignty of […]

GOP Senate Hopeful Todd Akin's So Busy Learning About "Legitimate" Vs. "Illegitimate" Rape, He Forgot To Learn To Be A Legitimate Candidate

Missouri Congressman, GOP Senate candidate, and living proof of the theory of devolution, Todd Akin knows a few things about the female anatomy, particularly when it comes to the magical powers of women’s reproductive systems, which if you didn’t know, are able to transform into vaginal panic rooms in case of emergencies, like rape.

Because while you […]

Mitt Romney Demands Barack Obama Immediately Suspend His Campaign Because America Deserves Better Than The Truth

OMG, people, did you hear the news? The terrible, no-good, Earth-shattering, game-changing news about Joe Biden saying the word “chains,” which is taboo because it is racist against Mitt Romney and also “divisive” “disgusting” and “not uplifitng,” three things Republicans know absolutely nothing about. Nothing!

Well, well Mittens isn’t going to take this insubordination sitting down. […]

Mitt Romney Picks Fiscal Sociopath, Ayn Rand Fanatic Paul Ryan As His VP; America Shrugs

So there you have it, America. The moment you’ve been waiting for, the day that Willard “Mitt” Romney finally picked his running mate, the next (non)vice-president of the United States, Rep. Paul Ryan of the great state of Wisconsin.

Hooray!

But just who is this nice young man from down the street who looks like a Boy […]

Move Over Wonka, Mitt Romney's Golden Ticket Is Worth A Lot More Than Some Dumb Visit To A Chocolate Factory

Poor Mittens. He tries so hard! In his latest, greatest, desperate attempt to appear human, Willard Mitt Romney decided to share a precious li’l gem from his childhood, a deliciously tasty nugget about his family’s care-free life of privilege and wealth:

“I found a little paper card, a little pink card, and it said, ‘This entitles […]

Mitt Romney Is Too Busy Horsing Around To Bother With The Whole "Tax Return" Thing

Poor, misunderstood, possibly criminal Mittens! He and his dancing horse have hit a bit of a rough patch, and all the hoof-clicking and fancy four-legged prancing in the world (of horse ballet) may not be enough to keep this Mormon Stallion perched comfortably atop his High Horse.

Because, you see, Willard “Mitt” Romney may […]

Joe The Plumber Clogs America's Airwaves With A Big Load Blaming Gun Control For The Holocaust

Samuel “Joe The Plumber” Wurzelbacher may not be a plumber or even named Joe, but he’s not about to let silly things like facts or reality get in the way of his latest, greatest venture as the single most brilliant scholar to ever represent Ohio’s 9th District in the U.S. Congress (fingers crossed!).

And […]

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