Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are...To Tempt Right Wing Republicans & Destroy America With Toxic Gay Blood!

On this darkest of days when freedom died all because evil, liberal lawmakers threatening to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell went ahead and did just that, voting 16-12 to let deviant homosexuals come ever closer to openly serving as an out ‘n proud queer in the United States military, A Few Good Men are bravely standing up to this most terrifying threat to humanity since that gay Teletubby Tinky Winky tried to turn America’s children into raging mini Eltons and Ellens.

A Few Good (straight, Christian) Men like the patriots and prophets comprising the not-at-all-tainted Family Research Council, now that George Rekers (who?) is persona non grata for hiring persona non straighta for an all-expense paid 10-day European sexcation.

So, now that all that’s behind them (ha ha behind!), and the Family Research Council is once again seen as morally superior, mentally stable, strapping pillars of heterosexuality with nothing to hide, listen up America, and heed their warning!

For if thee liberals and socialists cast their vile DEMONcratic will upon the good, decent American people by repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, the last remaining defense against the terrible temptation scourge of homosinuality will be felled, and America will suddenly be left to its own sexually confused devices, with nary a closeted right-wing minister to guide them!

And then who knows what kind of fiendish, depraved, cesspool of sin will become of the United States Armed Forces, once the DADT sacred seal of sexual purity is lifted?

Straight, petrified soldiers, sailors, airmen, and marines getting fellated in their sleep, forcibly against their will. Terrified commanders too scared of being labeled homophobes to do anything about Sergeant Stripes gettin’ grabbed, groped, or even Tickle-Me-Eric’d while stationed in some abandoned desert outpost in the middle of Afghanistan.

Pretty soon, the entire U.S. Army will be teeming with rainbow-colored gays, since all the straights will have already quit, out of fear of catching the dreaded gay virus of fabulousness and fashion sense rampaging through the barracks.

Well, the concerned, God-fearing minds on the Family Research Council and fellow freak fringe group America’s Survival are not about to sit back (like a bunch of sissy fags) and let the liberal/homosexual cabal turn their precious U.S. military into a “terrifying free-rape zone” where “disease-tainted gay blood” courses through the ranks, threatening the very one woman+one man heterosexual fabric this nation was founded upon!

Sure, their “Asking For Trouble” video warning against the hideous blight of homosexuality may have been removed from YouTube and every other major, (liberal-run) media outlet because its insane, viciously homophobic perpetuation of stereotypes, myths, and lies demonizing gays has no basis in science or reality, but that’s never stopped ’em before!

Who needs science when you’ve got scripture or facts when you’ve got faith??

Everyone knows that repealing DADT will lead to “transgendered individuals who want to dress up as members of the opposite sex and would cry ‘discrimination’ if they are not allowed to do so.”

Which may be slightly difficult considering both genders wear identical uniforms, but hey a person can dream, right?

“We are today releasing an analysis of publicly available documents which show that homosexuals in the military are three times more likely to commit sexual assaults than heterosexuals are relative to their numbers,” FRC Senior Fellow for Policy Studies Peter Sprigg said, based on his very scientific “analysis” of pulling things out of his ass. “We believe this problem would only increase if the current law against homosexuality…were to be repealed.”

“Taken together, these figures suggest that homosexuals in the military are about 3x as likely to commit sexual assaults as heterosexuals are.” Especially the “most common type of homosexual assault in which the offender fondles or performs oral sex on a sleeping victim.”

Oooh, like Rip Van Twinkle?

“If open homosexuality was permitted in the military, these numbers can only increase,” Sprigg said. “The number of homosexuals would grow, the threat of discharge for homosexual behavior would be eliminated and protected class status for homosexuals would make victims hesitant to report assaults and make commanders hesitant to punish them for fear of appearing homophobic.”

The next thing you know, straight soldiers will be tied, bound, and beaten to a bloody pulp all because they have the good, moral, kind of sex (missionary only!), not the going-straight-to-hell Adam and Steve kind.

“In a number of these cases the victim was sleeping or intoxicated,” Sprigg said.

“Under those circumstances, their memory may be clouded and so the evidence may not be strong enough to stand up in a court-martial and actually prove guilt on a charge of forcible sodomy for example. Nevertheless, something inappropriate may have happened…and the victim will think twice about coming forth.”

Think twice??? More like two thousand times!

Because then people might think he too is a terrible gay (gasp!), and nothing is worse than that, not even nightly anal rapings by his bunkmate to keep it that way!

Good thing retired Col. Dick Black, who served in the Pentagon during the creation of DADT in 1993, understands these sorts of things.

“We faced this when we started tightening up on rape,” Black said. “Women were intimidated about coming forward — they’d be called sluts or you know they hung out in bars or whatever.”

“When it comes to homosexual assaults, if the perpetrator is allowed to serve openly, it will be the straight men who find themselves facing embarrassing questions about what they were wearing the night they were attacked,” Black said.

OMG! Then men would be the stupid whores who “asked for it” instead of women, and everything would be upside-down, and life as we know it would be forever destroyed.

See, things were much better when everyone was allowed to rape who they wanted, and no one made a big fuss about it! Women wouldn’t have to be embarrassed by testifying against their accuser, and run the risk of being labeled “loose” and men could continue having their forcible way with the hot li’l numbers begging for it by dressing all sexy-like in mini-skirts and stiletto heels.

“I think we’re going to see the opposite direction when it comes to homosexual assaults,” he said. “You’ve got typically a one-on-one situation and there would be tremendous political pressure placed on the victims to remain silent. It will be very similar to the situation we had with women 50 years ago when they were reluctant to come forward and report rape because they would be mislabeled.”

And that was just slutty women! Who cares about those tramps anyway? But, imagine the stigma if a strapping young manly man had to step forward and accuse a fellow male soldier of giving him the business (while he slept like a li’l angel) after a drunken night at the mess hall? Just think of all the pain and suffering he would go through once people found out about his late-night male bonding bondage sessions and started calling him a gross gay?? It’s simply outrageous! Is there any worse fate?

Other than being an uncloseted homo, of course!

Well, that, or a Republican. But then again, aren’t they pretty much the same thing?

Minus that one tiny “closet” detail, that is!

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