Crazy President Obama Thinks College Should Be Affordable, Accessible

Y’all Watch Out Now!

The man allegedly known as President Barack Hussein Obama is on the attack again. This time, the latest victim of his terror campaign is none other than the (soaring) cost of higher education.

On Friday, President Obama did what he does best–other than read from teleprompters–by dazzling the media with policy ideas that are the complete opposite from a certain George W. Bush, in that they make sense and actually help people.

This time, that maniac Obama renewed a campaign promise to eliminate the Federal Family Education Loan program, costing taxpayers a nifty $15 million each day, so financial aid can go directly to students, instead of to banks and other weaselly “middle men” who turn oh-so-nice profits from this legal student slave-trade system.

“There are few things as fundamental to the American dream or as essential as a good education,” Obama said. Yet, “we have a student loan system where we are giving lenders billions of dollars in wasteful subsidies.”

Calling the system a “a paradox of American life that threatens to widen the gap between the haves and have-nots,” Obama claims the change would save at least $48 billion over the next 10 years—money that could be funneled to student aid.

And why the hell would anyone want to do that?

Republicans are obviously concerned about the costs of that (and anything that doesn’t involve war and torture) and lenders are naturally opposed to this (and any other) crazy new idea which threatens to end a historically lucrative business of fleecing poor, struggling students so fat cat bankers can feast on fresh lobster tails and Dom Perignon for breakfast.

If everyone can afford to go to college, who the hell is gonna catch all those delectable creatures of the sea for them?

Not like Barry cares or anything, since arugula-eating elitists don’t do the whole “ocean thing.”

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