Dick Cheney Speaks From The Heart, Now That He Finally Has One

Dick Cheney may finally have a heart, but you sure wouldn’t know it by listening to the man, the machine, the medical mutation known as former Vice President of Hell Dick Cheney.

He’s so excited about joining the rest of the human race in possessing an actual blood pumping organ made from muscle not 9 volt batteries, that he simply could not wait to tell the world of the darkness that is inside it.

SoDick did what any normal machine/human hybrid would do once they were released from life saving surgery, and that is, of course to show up at the Republican state convention in Wyoming to try to scare the bejesus out of anyone with a working heart but not so functional brain.

RealClearPolitics reports:

Former Vice President Dick Cheney walked onstage without any assistance and spoke for an hour and 15 minutes without seeming to tire in his first public engagement since he underwent a heart transplant three weeks ago.

The new and improved Heart 2.0!!

“He has been an unmitigated disaster to the country,” Cheney said of President Barack Obama.

Unlike, say, his glorious 8-year reign of war and terror?

“I can’t think of a time when I felt it was more important for us to defeat an incumbent president today with respect to Barack Obama.”

Of course you can’t Dick! You’ve been in a freakin’ coma for the past few months.  Either that, or the doctors accidentally also removed the pre-frontal lobe of your brain along with Heart 1.0.

“I think he has been an unmitigated disaster to the country.”

I think you said that already Dick.

“I think to be in a position where he gets four more years in the White House to continue the policies he has, both with respect to the economy, and tax policy, and defense and some other areas would be a huge, huge disappointment.”

Almost as disappointing as the world’s biggest Dick & worst vice president in history waiting until five years after he was out of office to get a heart.

And much like that other, hideous Tell-Tale Heart, Dick Cheney’s won’t shut the f up either.

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