Duck, Duck, Gay? Homeschooled Teen Girl Wisely Teaches World That Evolution Turns Gay People Into Ducks

Donald & Daffy Not Donald & Ronald!

Are you a good, Jesus-loving Christian who fears the heathen public school system will turn your once-innocent child into a raging homosexual liberal who believes in crazy things like science and history?

Yes? Then do we have the education solution for you, my friend! It’s called homeschooling and it’s guaranteed to make sure your precious li’l miracle of God stays as narrow-minded and ignorant as you, but without the dangerous temptation of actually being around other similarly-aged human beings who are not blood relatives.


Just look at this wonderful letter to the editor from 14-year-old New Zealand homeschooled teen Jasmin H., who applies her special(needs) homespun knowledge of evolution — which she naturally doesn’t “believe” in — to explain why gays should not be allowed to marry because of ducks and also Romans doing homo stuff in each other’s butts.

behold the smartitude!

You too could have all the wisdom, logic, and insight of Jasmin, who thanks to Mother’s tireless teachings, can now explain very complicated matters such as how evolution proves that being gay makes you compete with ducks, if evolution were a thing, which, thank Jesus, it isn’t.

“I don’t want my children to have to compete with ducks,” Jasmin implores. “I want them to evolve further than I have.”

Oh don’t you worry about that, Jas!

“Ducks always nest in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage, then the ducks will have evolved further than we have.”

What the duck!?!?

“They should be consistent,” she insists. “If you believe in evolution, you can’t be in favour of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.”

“In the end?” Hmm, sounds a little gay for my liking.

Either way, thank you Jasmin for teaching the whole world this very important lesson.

So remember kids, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…KILL IT WITH FIRE! It’s probably gay.

[image via Shutterstock] 

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