Charming ex-Illinois crime boss, popular reality-show contestant, and world famous hair-stylist extraordinaire Rod Blagojevich has been found guilty on only one of the 24 charges against him, the lamest possible one, making a false statement or representation to the FBI (like who hasn’t?), with the (braindead?) jury deadlocked on the other 23 counts.
So, now instead of wearing striped pajamas while combing his coif, cold and alone, locked in a steel cell with padded walls (for the rest of his freakin’ golden years), Rod Blagojevich faces a measly five years in in his own quaint li’l shack o’ steel (oooh I smell a new reality show!), a $250,000 fine, and a retrial.
Justice has been served!
And all of Illinois (and America!) will not be left without the wonderful antics of their favoritest lego-haired celebrity criminal, who is likely planning his victory parade, complete with life-sized, $100,000 floats of his beautiful face, along with lovely wife Patti, throughout Chicago’s corrupt Barack Obama/Rahm Emanuel mobster streets.
Hooray!
How the hell did this happen, you ask?
What do you think, they’d come to an actual decision and convict the guy for “fucking nothing?”
Not when they had this golden jury thing going! But for a million bucks a piece (and a guaranteed spot in Blago’s next administration), they might be willing to reconsider.
Bidding starts now! Do I hear $50,000?