How McCain’s VP Choice Went From Cranky Jew To Crazy Shrew

Remember when John McCain went nuts-o and decided to select that Alaskan floozy Sarah Palin as his running mate even though her only qualifications were having female reproductive organs, a pretty face, and some of the god damn funniest lipstick jokes the world has ever heard.

If it seemed suspicious, that’s because McCain never wanted to pick that hussy in the first place. He really wanted droopy fellow senior citizen Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.), but certain state’s so-called “sore loser” laws (like crazy West Virginia), would have prevented a Republican ticket that included a sniveling, no-good, backstabbing, party-switching rat like Joe “Democrat” Lieberman on its ballot. So, it was sayonara to ol’ Joe.

From there, the vetting process intensified with the remaining top candidates asked “stumper” questions like whether they were ready to use nuclear weapons and whether they would take a shot at Osama bin Laden even if it meant the death of civilians.

While other candidates like former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty failed to dazzle McCain or his vetting team with their thoughtful, coherent, even-handed (boring!) answers, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin “hit them out of the park.”

Although no one would reveal exactly what pearls of wisdom Miss Palin imparted, we can only assume Sarah Barricuda didn’t blink when explaining why her aerial hunting skills may just be the solution needed to take that old raghead out once and for all–if the nukes failed to do it first, that is!

Sure, the McCain team had their doubts about Sarah’s ability to serve as president, with chief VP vetter A.B. Culvahouse conceding that, “I don’t think she would have been ready on Jan. 20, but few people would.” So what sealed the deal for the feisty Alaskan ice queen?

According to Culvahouse, at the end of the interview, he informed McCain that Palin would be a “high risk, high reward” pick for the job. McCain’s response?

“You shouldn’t have told me that. I’ve been a risk-taker all my life.”

Damn straight! How else would he have been able to leave his now-crippled first wife while she recovered from a freak automobile accident for a younger, hotter, blonder beer heiress with bigger breasts and a hell of a lot more money!?

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