Comic book villain and talking hairpiece The Donald Trump took to the Twitternets to discuss the relative bangability of non-paying, celebrity sideboob blogmaster extraordinaire, Arianna Huffington.
And guess what, Arianna, you’re fired!
Except for beautiful wifeys #1 & #3, women with accents make him sicker than that Socialist negro NOBAMA in the White House.
Which is why no damn Hurricane, be it Isaac or Arianna, is going to keep The Donald from speaking his mind, in 140 gold-crusted characters, or the old-fashioned way, right out of his big, fat pie hole.
So in lieu of having any actual convention role, The Donald took his sexy combover to Sarasota, Florida to accept a not-at-all ironic award for “GOP Statesman of the Year.” There, he offered his best diplomatic advice about what to do with that birth certificateless bastard Barry Soetoro and the rest of those Democrat freakshows, losers, and queers in what can only be described as a motherf**king statesmanlike tone of voice.
Hint to the GOP: Stop being so God damn nice!
“I hope they are tough as hell and mean as hell and they fight fire with fire. And if they do — and if they’re smart because it’s all about being smart — we’re going to have a great president of the United States.”
God willing the kind that rhymes with Chump.
Trump went on to statesman the living sh*t out of the Obama campaign, calling them “bad people” because of “the kind of things they do and the kind of things they say,” adding, “These people are vicious.”
But to whom have they been so vicious and cruel you wonder? Honest, humble, hardworking job creators like Donald Trump, dignified statesmen who occassionally have to shriek, “You’re Fired!” in the terrified faces of worthless schlubs who can’t cut it in the real world of bad reality teevee.
And what kind of thanks do these national treasures get for trying to do for America what they’ve done for their business?
A sucker punch in the balls by ruthless political operatives who dig up all the miserable, jealous wretches whose lives he destroyed:
“They’ve been tough. They’ve been competitive. They work. They built their business. And honestly, they have left people in their wake, and they’ve made enemies…They can’t really go out there. They can’t put it together because all of those people that they beat consistently over a lifetime…all of those people come back to haunt him.”
The ghost of workers past.
He continued: “And I see it happening with Mitt. Mitt was a successful man, he did a great job.”
If only the American people could give him the pleasure of being/getting unceremoniously fired without the undue burden/nightmarish/unpalatable burden/choice of first being hired/first getting him hired/of first having to say you’re hired.
If only there was some way the American people could experience the pleasure of telling Mitt, “You’re Fired” without the undue burden of first saying having to say, “You’re Hired.”
Trump was scheduled to play a “surprise” role on the first day of the GOP convention in Tampa, Florida, but Monday’s calendar was scrapped due to weather conditions related to Tropical Storm Isaac, CNN reports. However, a convention official suggested Monday at a press conference that Trump may still “show up” at some point this week.
In the form of swirling winds of hot, dense air, not powerful enough to be a Hurricane. Or a Politician.