Is North Korea's Hot Man-Tail Hunting Facebook Profile A Dirty Capitalist Trick, Or Is Kim Jong Il The Next Desperate Housewife Of The DMZ?

North Korea Only Has 65 Friends on Facebook and Is Gay

Much like Gramps McCain and the rest of the old, creepy Republicans desperately trying to recapture their-once youthful glow by mastering the art, no make that the science, of popular tween social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook before him, a new, even creepier Asian kid has decided to join the rest of the cool kids pokin’ peeps and tweetin’ updates over on the ol’ 140-character block.

Sure, the nation’ citizens may be starving to death, their economy in shambles, and the entire population a bunch of demented midgets hellbent on world domination (and hopefully, Armageddon), but the real news is that North Korea, and its adorable li’l muffin of a leader Kim Jong Il, has left the dark ages (sort of) and joined the rest of 21st century society by creating their very own official state-run Twitter and Facebook page. Hooray!

Get excited, world! A few weeks after the beautiful blossoming of North Korea’s Twitter account and YouTube channel, the notorious nation of scary loners has apparently launched it’s own awesome Facebook page to presumably do all the things crazy kids do these days, like stalk their exes (South Korea) and chat with the rest of the world’s rogue leaders posting hilarious pictures and status messages from various undisclosed, highly secure locations worldwide like remote mountain caves.

The AP reports that the Facebook account, which opened late Thursday under the Korean username “Uriminzokkiri” meaning “on our own as a nation,” calls itself a ” page representing the intentions of North and South Koreas and compatriots abroad, who wish for peace, prosperity, and unification of our homeland.”

Its profile picture is of the Three Charters for National Reunification Memorial Tower, a 100-foot (30-meter) monument in Pyongyang that “reflects the strong will of the 70 million Korean people to achieve the reunification of the country with their concerted effort.”

The account had 65 friends as of Friday. Oh, and the Facebook page, which describes itself as “male, says it is interested in men and is looking for networking.”

Oh, hahahahaha! Ya crazy North Korea!

Hmmm, let me see if I’ve got this straight…Notoriously anti-social Hermit Kingdom, the one with a crazy dwarf dictator who wants to take over the world (or just watch lots of American DVDs while sippin’ Hennessy), owner of the world’s fourth-largest army, including nuclear weapons, population 23 million—has just 65 friends, is gay, and interested in social networking??

And much of the activity on North Korea’s wall happens to include Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez’ two-sense, the obligatory “North Korea is best Korea” posts, and of course your random American ranting about how “Kim Jong Dickhead can suck some Red, White, and Blue ass.”

Frankly, this looks more like the profile page of a never-been-laid 18-year-old Dungeons & Dragons master still living in his parent’s basement, rather than a nuclear-armed deranged totalitarian state with a powerful, decades-old grudge against the rest of the free, normal-sized world.

Oh wait, turns out it North Korea’s fabulous quest for some hot man-on-man love and/or Kim Jong II “liking” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s “Death to the West” status update may not be real after all. Bummerrrrrr!

According to the regime, the hot sexy profiles of Dear Pint-Sized Leader are nothing more than the plots and schemes of some capitalist pigs living in Japan and China, not North Korea, because such salacious social media sites are still banned, plus there is no such thing as gross gays there. Duh.

“We think that there is plenty of misinformation, speculation and sensationalism regarding the reality of North Korea,” North Korea spokesman Cao de Benos tells Forbes. “This is the hypocrisy of a society that calls itself ‘democratic’ but is in reality fearful of the ideological power and influence from our side.”

Hmmm like Dear Leaders Gone Wildly Homo?

But, don’t be fooled, “Such websites will never be run by our Government directly,” the spokesman said.

I mean there are already 23 million starving slaves willing to pledge their life-long allegiance to Dear Leader a thousand times a day, and they don’t even require compensation, monetary, hot man-tail, or otherwise.

But on the bright side, at least we can rest assured knowing World War III won’t start all because some douchebag prankster decides to “tag” North Korea in a White House photo.

Instead, it will likely happen when the producers of “K-Town” reject Kim Jong Il’s application video. Apparently, the li’l dude’s got a thing for The SituASIAN and oddly colored dark-haired midgets whose bright orange glow may or may not be radioactive.

But at least North Korea can stop trying to make South Korea jealous by making out with Taiwan every weekend. They would try hitting up that Snooki girl, but not sure how her boyfriend John McCain would feel about it. And if there’s one thing Koreans are taught, it’s to always respect the elderly!

North Korea Only Has 65 Friends on Facebook and Is Gay
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