Liberal Lion Ted Kennedy Roars No More

Oh no! Ted “Edward” Kennedy, longtime liberal lion of the Senate and relative of all the assorted other famous Kennedys, has finally succumbed to a combination of old age and brain cancer.

Which is really sad, though with the whole health care debate raging, it must be said the man could not have picked a more inconvenient time to die.

So now that the question of what to do about Ted Kennedy’s vacant senate seat is no longer a rhetorical one, the big question becomes whether the folks in Massachusetts will heed Teddy’s last request begging the governor and state lawmakers to change that terrible succession law (calling for a special election FIVE MONTHS after a senate vacancy) to guarantee that the fine citizens of Taxachusettes will not lack a senate seat come vote time.

Well it seems legislators are finally starting to come around and warm up to the idea of scrapping the whole mandatory five-month wait thing because no one wants to be held responsible for singlehandedly killing the chances of a health care reform bill passing and spitting on the last wishes of a dying man.

So while the world mourns the passing of a true American hero and one of the last remaining champions of the downtrodden, mighty liberal God Ted Kennedy, America can be happy knowing his death was not in vain.

Republicans, most of whom have spent the better part of the last two months or so fighting against Comrade Barry’s Nazi plot to bring affordable health insurance to all Americans, will no longer be able to fight against the pure socialist evil known as universal health care, now that it will likely be renamed the Teddy Kennedy Memorial Bill.

And what kind of heartless monster could say no to that?

No one unless they hate Ted Kennedy, whose remarkable 50-year service as the “Lion of the Senate” cemented his status as a progressive God, and saw him spearhead such progressive causes as overturning Reagan’s veto of the anti-apartheid sanctions in South Africa, preventing a certifiable lunatic like Robert Bork from sitting on the Supreme Court, and numerous other bills to help the “needy” like children, the disabled, immigrants and those afflicted with the AIDS and cancer. And let’s not forget his most important contribution to society: giving the Obama girls a magic dog!

God, we’re gonna miss this guy. And to think, all Strom Thurmond ever did was live to 100 and still hate black people!

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