Michele Bachmann's Presidential Hopes Are Sinking So Fast, Her Entire New Hampshire Staff Decided To Jump Ship For Something Safer, Like The Titanic

America’s favorite blue-eyed basket case Michele Bachmann is sure having a rough go at this whole running for president thing. Turns out, convincing more than 4.8 percent of the voting population that you are indeed just as capable of ruling the free world as being involuntarily committed to the local psych ward is a lot harder than it looks! (Remember to blink, Michele, remember to blink!).

And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse than one of her debate performances, the unthinkable happens: her entire New Hampshire staff (all six of them!) upped and quit, because well, umm, do you really need to ask?

Staff members in New Hampshire for presidential candidate Michele Bachmann have resigned en masse, a Republican familiar with the situation said on Friday, in a fresh blow to her 2012 hopes.
All of the staffers, said to number six, resigned on Thursday, the Republican said.
New Hampshire’s WMUR television said the reason given was due to the Bachmann campaign’s lack of focus on New Hampshire, which holds the country’s first primary election.
“It certainly underscores the impression that New Hampshire isn’t a priority for her. She’s totally written us off,” said former Republican state legislator Fran Wendelboe.

That’s because much like the pink unicorns, twinkling pixies, and dancing elves, they’re nothing more than figments of her own, heavily medicated imagination!

But that’s not it! Michele is such a loser, in fact, that even the hippie dippie liberal heathens of San Francisco couldn’t be bothered enough to gather their Godless queer selves together and shout lame liberal things at her like why Mexicans have feelings too, and poor people shouldn’t be forced to die in the streets as punishment for being such poor losers.

The San Francisco Chronicle reports:

Critics say the lack of any protest at Bachmann’s Commonwealth Club appearance Thursday is a sign of the fading relevance of her campaign. The winner of the Iowa Straw Poll has just 4.8 percent support in the latest average of major polls by – sixth among the eight GOP presidential candidates. Former Godfather’s Pizza CEO Herman Cain is the front-runner with 26 percent.
Even San Francisco’s most hard-core activists couldn’t be bothered to protest Bachmann, who once said same-sex marriage was the most important issue facing the nation. She’s against it.
“Maybe people are waiting for Herman Cain to come to town,” said Tenoch Flores, a spokesman for the California Democratic Party.

Or maybe they are waiting for the paint to dry on the walls of their Castro apartment, or for their marijuana plants to grow, or for the warranty on their mufflers to expire, or for their water purifier to filter, or for their tofu burgers to grill, or for the next terrible natural disaster to strike, or to catch whatever strain of influenza is going around these days, all of which are still infinitely more exciting than waiting for Michele Bachmann.

Marcus, on the other hand, was welcomed with open arms!

[image via Wonkette]

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