Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Will You Help Me Grow Some Balls & Fulfill My Promise Of Equality For All?

Look you gays, err guys, the Obama administration like totally wants to abolish that terrible, shameful, discriminatory Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy, 100% for sure without a doubt. They are like totes behind you on that one!

But, here’s the thing. They are very particular when it comes to actually putting this horrible joke of a policy they are always telling us how much they hate to rest, and being the fuddyduddys that they are, can and will only bring an end to this intolerance in the nicest, most polite way possible, complete with a pretty pink ribbon to really tie the whole discrimination look together.

This is just how Barack rolls!

Because the important thing here isn’t of course ending the disgraceful 17-year-old unconstitutional policy unfairly targeting a group of people simply because of their weird, deviant same-sexuality, but rather how it is ended. Am I right? Who’s with me?

And this is why the Obama administration, being the civilized, refined ladies and gentleman that they are will not simply let DADT be overturned the fast and ballsy, down ‘n dirty way, in the courts, because that is not nice and neat and pretty, and certainly not something befitting of such distinguished, upstanding pillars of the community.

The Justice Department is asking a federal appeals court to lift a moratorium on the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” by the end of today, once again arguing that the injunction jeopardizes an ongoing Pentagon review of how to end the ban on openly gay and lesbian service members. […]

In court papers, the Justice Department said Phillips’s injunction “is at odds with basic principles of judicial restraint” because it blocks the Pentagon from enforcing the gay ban across the military and not just among members of the Log Cabin Republicans, the group that filed suit challenging the constitutionality of the law.

So just to get this straight (and we don’t mean the good, military kind of straight), the Log Cabin REPUBLICANS are in favor of ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell now; the Obama administration is not. Hmmm, nothing weird here, no sir-ee!

The appeal for a stay of Phillips’s injunction is meant as a stop-gap while the Justice Department prepares to appeal the judge’s September ruling that “don’t ask” is unconstitutional. The government is appealing the law despite President Obama’s stated opposition to the 17-year gay ban. Obama has urged Congress to repeal the law through legislation.

“It happens every once in awhile at the federal level when the solicitor general, on behalf of the U.S., will confess error or decline to defend a law,” said ex-George W. Bush administration solicitor general Ted Olson, who has renounced his formerly evil ways and is now leading the legal challenge of California’s ban on same-sex marriage.

“I don’t know what is going through the [Obama] administration’s thought process on ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,'” Olson said. “It would be appropriate for them to say ‘the law has been deemed unconstitutional, we are not going to seek further review of that.'”

Yes, yes, civil rights, eventually. Justice for all, eh, maybe at some point. Awesome smart bombs dropped by gay soldiers, sure when the time is right. That is, when the whole world is ready to embrace their inner queer, join hands, and skip to my loo around the Pentagon, led by Carl Paladino in a rainbow colored speedo, riding atop his favorite Stallion from the hot girl-on-horse-flick he’s always emailing, surrounded by all his ol’ Buffalo boys from the gay nightclub he owned, flanked on both sides by the two hot chicks from his other favorite girl-on-girl lesbo porn, and of course the beautifully decorated “Teabaggers For Queers” float bringing up the rear.

But until then, I’m sorry gays and lezzies, it’s too bad for you! You’ll have to pardon their reluctance to rudely force equality and justice on those (bigots, fearmongers, black presidents?) unwilling to do it themselves.

Why, you ask??

Well, because they’re a little gay. But not gay in the fluent in Arabic, bravely fighting side-by-side with your fellow soldiers defending your nation’s freedom while secretly hiding who you are kind of way. Gay in the too scared and cowardly to do what’s honorable and just, but instead letting this irrational, hypocritical fear of all things hopey-changey (including their own shadow!) triumph over the moral, right and good.

Because justice delayed isn’t justice denied, it’s justice deferred.

And what’s more dignified than that? Certainly not cool missiles patriotically exploded or machine guns fired by bilingual fags instead of bipolar felons, at least until the Pentagon and Defense Dept. finishes trying on all its different outfits to figure out which camouflaged color combo is most flattering when blown to bits in the remote parched desert wilderness of the Afghan mountains!

“The whole point of the ongoing Pentagon study is how to repeal ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’- as if we don’t know how to do it,” Aaron Belkin said, director of the Palm Center, a military think tank in California. “But look what happened last week? The military suspended it last week with no training and guess what? Nothing happened.”

“You don’t need to teach the troops how to interact with gays anymore than you need to train them how to deal with Jews,” Belkin said. “People know how to behave with one another.”

Of course they do, silly! But we’re talking about gays, not people!

Besides, at least with Jews, we know what to expect: a weak-kneed, sniveling coward who may not squeeze a trigger, but won’t hesitate to squeeze a buck or two out of any hapless schmuck unlucky enough to cross their path.

They gays, on the other hand, could be anyone and anywhere! You just never know what you’re gonna get with that “kind.” Except, most likely a college degree, highly specialized skills, good hygiene, and if all goes well & the Obama administration has their way, a dishonorable discharge and immediate dismissal from duty.

As nicely and politely as possible.

Because in America, at least when we discriminate, we do it with a wink, smile, and slap on the ol’ behind (but not in a gross gay way or anything!).

It’s called class.

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