Move Over Wonka, Mitt Romney's Golden Ticket Is Worth A Lot More Than Some Dumb Visit To A Chocolate Factory

Poor Mittens. He tries so hard! In his latest, greatest, desperate attempt to appear human, Willard Mitt Romney decided to share a precious li’l gem from his childhood, a deliciously tasty nugget about his family’s care-free life of privilege and wealth:

“I found a little paper card, a little pink card, and it said, ‘This entitles George W. Romney to a lifetime of a hamburger, a shake and French fries at McDonald’s.’ It was signed by the hand of Ray Kroc. My dad had done a little training lesson or whatever for McDonald’s when there was just a handful of restaurants and I saw this thing and was like, this is a gold mine, dad! What are you doing?”

Romney said he laminated the card for his father, who he said went “almost every day” to McDonald’s for either a hamburger or a fish sandwich.

Or whatever other greasy, meat ‘n bun thingamajig you people love ordering thru windows from your cars.

The point is the poors have food stamps. The rich have their food stamps laminated.

“He would present this little card and of course the person behind the counter would look and say, ‘Well, what is that?’ They’d never seen something like that, but he said it was never turned down. They always honored it,” Romney said.

Of course they did! Otherwise, Romney would have had them fired. Mwhahahaha!

A spokesperson for McDonalds said that she was unable to verify whether the elder Romney ever had such a card, but would “strongly caution against” anyone with pink paper and a laser printer “getting any smart ideas.”

Consider yourself warned Chris Christie!

So the moral of the story is there’s no such thing as a free lunch, unless you’re Mitt Romney.

Though if the whole “president thing” doesn’t work out, Mitt could always double as one-half of McDonald’s signature Golden Arch. He’s got the stiff, lifeless, gilded look down pat.

Corporations may be people, but you, Sir Romney, are not.

[image via Wall Street Journal]

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