New, Anti-ObamaCare Congressman Furious His Evil, Socialist Government-Funded Health Care Won't Start Immediately

Hi kids, it’s meet your crazy, newly-elected Republican congressman who’s already done something absolutely batshit insane on the first freakin day, time!


His name is Andy Harris and he is an anesthesiologist and brand spankin’ newly elected Republican from Maryland’s Eastern Shore (wherever the hell that is) who ran on oh, just your average repeal-socialist-health-care-reform-to-murder-grandma-and-baby-Trig platform.

BUT, at orientation Monday, this Mr. Andy “I Hate Health Care” Harris got VERY ANGRY when he learned that the big, bad gubmint will not be providing him with wonderful, free health care the instant he is sworn into office in January.

“He stood up and asked the two ladies who were answering questions why it had to take so long, what he would do without 28 days of health care,” said a congressional staffer who saw the exchange. The benefits session, held behind closed doors, drew about 250 freshman members, staffers and family members to the Capitol Visitors Center auditorium late Monday morning.

Ugh, I mean what the hell do you expect him to do without 28 days of health care? Act like one of the fifty million or so other dumb schlubs, with one terrible, debilitating pre-existing condition or another, like cancer, so no insurance company would so much as dare touch him with a ten foot pole? Oh, the humanity!

Besides, that’s for gross poors and dirty illegals, not for rich, newly minted congressman who deserve their government provided health coverage hand-delivered on a silver platter by interns wearing elbow-length white velvet gloves the second they waltz into elitist Washington, DC to stop evil Obamacare dead in its tracks, and make sure that Americans like you will, too, get to revel in the privilege of not having health care.

“Harris then asked if he could purchase insurance from the government to cover the gap,” added the aide, who was struck by the similarity to Harris’s request and the public option he denounced as a gateway to socialized medicine.

Oh, hahahaha, silly freshmen Representatives! Always showing up at orientation with their entourage of staffers and family, asking annoying questions about hot pots in dorm rooms, and demanding to know why the awful government-subsidized health care plan they spent their entire campaign bashing as an evil Socialist plot to destroy America, takes so darn long to kick in, like a whole month, even!

Harris, a Maryland state senator who works at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and several hospitals on the Eastern Shore, also told the audience, “This is the only employer I’ve ever worked for where you don’t get coverage the first day you are employed,” his spokeswoman Anna Nix told POLITICO.

Oh, poor baby! Whatever will he do without precious Commie government-provided health care for a whole month? Pray to Jesus and blame the Mexicans or Democrats, depending on which part of this great land you call home?

Or better yet, just buck up, get your man-pants on and do what the rest of the country does: close your eyes and hope for the best. It’s a fun way to gamble, really! Just enjoy it, bro!

Because it won’t be much longer before Obama’s nightmare health reform goes into effect and the thrill of Americans wingin’ it & rollin’ the dice with their health (and life!), will be nothing more than a distant memory of a better,  more exciting time, free from the burdens of NObama’s Nanny State.

So take it from Andy! Yes, the government is ruining our nation’s health by making it easier for citizens to get health care, and yes, it is also ruining our nation’s health by making it harder for congressional citizens to get health care.

Because clearly the only reason why anyone in their right mind would go into public service is for the perks! And to get laid.

These are obviously the kind of people we want in Congress.

People like Dr. Andy Harris who “understand that the Obama-Pelosi-Hoyer agenda threatens to pull the plug on America’s long-term health.”

“In Washington, I will never vote to raise taxes, I will fight to repeal health-care reform, and I will work to balance the budget,” Harris said in an Oct. 30 statement.

Oh wait, what’s that you say? Insanity counts as a pre-existing condition? In that case, f**k it!

I’ll just focus on getting screwed, instead. Or better yet, screwing over the dumb schmucks who elected me.

FreeDUMB never felt sooooooo good!

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