New York Nixes Gay Marriage, Reminding Us That It’s Still a State in Appalachia

Just Not In Their Backyard

Yay! The land of the free remains but a cruel joke as the rights of that one group of colorful misfits known as the gays were once again denied equal rights and the same constitutional protections granted to the rest of us normal, God-loving breeders.

That’s right folks! The good people of the New York State Senate voted 24-38 to defeat marriage equality and keep the gays guessing about if and when they’ll be treated like real, worthy American citizens instead of some well-dressed alien species out to destroy the bedrock of society, heterosexual marriage, in all its sacred 50% divorce rate.

Thanks to the hard work of eight key swing Democrats, who hold a slight one-seat majority, the bill was handily defeated and apocalypse avoided. Naturally, not a single Republican senator voted for the bill lest they give people the impression they support gays or heavens forbid, have gone gay themselves.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg applauded “the 24 senators who courageously and compassionately voted ‘yes,'” and expressed his disappointment at the Senate’s rejection of the same-sex marriage bill and and true equality and justice for all New Yorkers.

If only there were something Bloomie could have done? Perhaps, something in short supply, everyone wants, and he has more than enough of?

No, not money, silly! The freedom to enter and end as many loveless, miserable marriages as his little hetero heart desires.

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