Oh no-zees! The Republicans’ Great White Hope and leading intellectual of the intellectually bankrupt Grand Old Party of terrible ideas, Newt Gingrich is sure having a rough go at this whole “running for president” thing.
Oh, you forgot Newt Gingrich was running for President?? Haha, don’t feel too bad, so did everybody else, including Newt’s campaign manager and a half-dozen senior advisers.
It’s true! Turns out, Newt’s entire campaign staff decided it was high time to hook up with someone who has more than a snowball’s chance in hell of actually getting the GOP nomination or, for that matter, a spot anywhere on the ticket.
And Lord knows, the thrice-divorced, gaffe-prone, glitter-covered Tiffany spokesman, Newton Leroy Gingrich is never going to be the nominee for president or vice-president of anything except maybe Hair Club for Men® who leave their cancer-stricken wives in hospital beds for a younger, hotter, hopefully healthier trophy wife.
Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager and a half-dozen senior advisers resigned on Thursday, two aides said, dealing a significant setback to his bid to seek the Republican presidential nomination and severely complicating his plan to make a political comeback.
The campaign manager, Rob Johnson, along with advisers in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, joined together to step down after a period of deep internal disagreements about the direction of the campaign.
Direction?? What direction? Unless you mean “straight down the tubes,” there’s never really been any direction to his campaign.
It’s pretty much only been about the insane delusions of a man who shares the same name and qualities as a gross, slimy, occasionally poisonous, Salmonella carrying, bacteria laden creature that is only comfortable in the dark, dank recesses of the nearest swamp.
Senior staffers demanded that Gingrich focus on pressing the flesh and fundraising and stop touring the country promoting film projects with his wife. At one point Gingrich was so focused on film premiers and book signings, one senior staffer emailed the team: “We didn’t sign up to be hucksters for products for sale.”
Rick Tyler, the long-serving press aide to Newt Gingrich, said he and other advisers had become especially worried with the candidate’s decisions about how and when to campaign.
“The team that left had a different idea of what it would take to win,” Mr. Tyler said. “Everyone agreed there is a path to victory, but there was a disagreement about what that was.”
One thing was for certain though, it sure as hell isn’t named Newt Gingrich.
Tyler said that Gingrich sometimes “puts unnecessary stumbling blocks in front of himself,” but added, “I hope he does well. He’s a great intellect. It’s sad. But it’s time to move on.”
After all, that’s what you do when the person you love or campaign you’re working on is suddenly stricken with cancer.
C’mon, it’s not as if working for Newt all this time didn’t teach them anything.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going….to the nearest luxury jeweler for an expensive new glittering pair of diamond earrings you can’t afford.
It’s the Golden Newton Rule!