Obama’s Rx For Health Care: Pull Plug On Insurance Companies, Not Grandma

Pat Sullivan / AP Photo

Crazed, shrieking mobs of birthers, secessionists, and teabaggers are one thing. As annoying and demented as they may be, Barry knows these confederate flag-waving patriots simply can’t help it if their brains don’t function like the rest of us. Such feeble minds deserve our pity, not our scorn!

Not so for those motherf**kers over at the insurance companies whose years of lying, scheming, and fleecing the public finally caused Mr. Barry Chill to lose his signature cool and unleash the full-force of his long-simmering fury.

This time, Badass Barry used his weekly radio/internet address to fire back at the insurance industry, accusing the no-good bastards of using “deceptive and dishonest ads” to derail health care reform because apparently Michael Steele’s sacrificial cow on tracks didn’t exactly get the job done.

Calling insurance companies “obstacles to change only interested in their own profits and bonuses…willing to bend the truth or break it,” Obama blasted the greedy, selfish crooks for being more concerned with fattening our hearts (and thus their wallets) than fixing the system.

But only if by fix you mean repair, ’cause otherwise that’s totally not true! They’re more than happy to make some under-the-table “arrangements” if you catch my drift.

“It’s smoke and mirrors,” Obama said. “It’s bogus. And it’s all too familiar. Every time we get close to passing reform, the insurance companies produce these phony studies as a prescription and say, ‘Take one of these, and call us in a decade.’ Well, not this time.”

Rather than trying to curb costs and help patients, he said, the industry is busy “figuring out how to avoid covering people…And they’re earning these profits and bonuses while enjoying a privileged exemption from our antitrust laws–a matter that Congress is rightfully reviewing.”

“The insurance industry is rolling out the big guns and breaking open their massive war chest to marshal their forces for one last fight to save the status quo.”

But look on the bright side, at least they’re trying to save something, even if it is their own assets asses.

Unlike us miserable wretches, I guess some things are worth fighting for.

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