Peter King Hates Terrorism, Except When It Involves Irish People Who Love Jesus, Hate Britain, & Don't Mind Bombing Pubs Crowded With Civilians

It is no secret that Rep. Peter King of Xenophobia is no fan of that other royally-named King of Pop Michael Jackson and his perverted white gloved gyrations all over the place, thrusting his crotch every which way, titillating innocent women and children like some sicko sexual terrorist with even sicker dance moves.

But even more terrifying than Michael Jackson moonwalking over America’s once-pure Christian morality, is that other creeping M-named menace to humanity: the terrible, no good Muslims!

And no one knows about The Growing Threat of Radicalized Muslims better than Long Island’s own homegrown Irish Republican Army terrorist, Rep. Peter King, who as Chairman of the House Homeland Security Committee, has decided to hold his own very special meetings singling out Muslim Americans for loving terrorism so much, just so he can spend endless hours telling them their religion is pure, uncivilized murder.

After all, everyone knows only Muslims kill civilians, right?

But the strange thing about King is that he used to looooooove terrorists. Not like the evil, Allah-loving, Jihad-y kind of terrorists, of course, but the good, Jesus-loving White-y kind of terrorists, like the Irish Republican Army, whose sexy slaying of civilians made him all hottttt ‘n horny in the ’80s.

Long before he became an outspoken voice in Congress about the threat from terrorism, he was a fervent supporter of a terrorist group, the Irish Republican Army.

“We must pledge ourselves to support those brave men and women who this very moment are carrying forth the struggle against British imperialism in the streets of Belfast and Derry,” Mr. King told a pro-I.R.A. rally on Long Island, where he was serving as Nassau County comptroller, in 1982. Three years later he declared, “If civilians are killed in an attack on a military installation, it is certainly regrettable, but I will not morally blame the I.R.A. for it.”

As Mr. King, a Republican, rose as a Long Island politician in the 1980s, benefiting from strong Irish-American support, the I.R.A. was carrying out a bloody campaign of bombing and sniping, targeting the British Army, Protestant paramilitaries and sometimes pubs and other civilian gathering spots. His statements, along with his close ties to key figures in the military and political wings of the I.R.A., drew the attention of British and American authorities.

The Secret Service investigated him as a “security risk” in 1984. That same year, as the Times writes, “A judge in Belfast threw him out of an I.R.A. murder trial, calling him an ‘obvious collaborator.'”

Oh, what? That little thing? Like that’s a big deal! Remember people, terrorism is like cholesterol. There’s the good kind, European Christian Terrorism (ECT) and the bad kind, Arab Muslim Terrorism (AMT). And Peter King likes the good kind! So why don’t you sue him? Besides, a little ECT is good for the heart and comes doctor recommended!

Who knows? Maybe Pete King will end up liking the so-called crazed radicals, Jihadists, and families of Muslim American 9/11 victims he marches into the committee room to testify at his AHH, SCARY MUSLIMS! hearings. Maybe he’ll realize his virulent Islamaphobia is at best shamefully hypocritical, at worst dangerously naive, and that perhaps the nation would be better served not wasting taxpayer dollars holding hearings to investigate the radical Muslim bogeymen existing solely in Peter King’s mind.

“What’s radicalizing Muslim-Americans?”

Oooh, oooh, we can help you out with that one, Congressman King!

Drum roll, please!

Nothing is radicalizing Muslim-Americans, because Muslim-Americans aren’t radicalized. Case closed. Problem solved!

So, what’s radicalizing our Republicans?

Drunken Irish men armed with assault weapons? Repressed sexual desires? Unconscionable taxes on the richest 2%? A black man in the White House? Humanity’s natural evolution towards progress, enlightenment, and a world where the King’s Speech is an inspiring, uplifting Academy Award-winning tale about overcoming adversity, not some old white guy bashing Muslims to somehow prove he’s the toughest and loves America the mostest.

Tsk, tsk. When is poor Pete gonna learn? It’s survival of the fittest, not survival of the Sinn Féinest!

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