President Obama Agrees To Reduce Smog Regulations Because Clean Air Is Socialist (And Also Because Republicans Told Him So!)

So the inane, demented, “Are We Congressman or Kindergarteners” playground scuffle time slot slug fest between the White House and John Boehner’s office is now officially over, with Barack Obama giving up even faster than usual in some lame misguided attempt to placate his Grand Old enemies, who’d like nothing more than to ship him back to deepest darkest Africa, at the expense of alienating those who actually matter, like say, the unemployed, NFL-watching, Snuggie-wearing, Pringles-stuffing, American public.

Maybe if Aaron Rodgers was the one giving the jobs speech, things would’ve been different?? But since he was blessed with arm strength, not oratory skills, President of capitulation, Barack Obama, will no longer deliver his very important jobs speech during Wednesday night’s network premiere “Are you dumber than a Teabagger?” GOP presidential debate, and instead speak the following evening, on the one night America forgets the fact that it’s fat, broke, and jobless in order to watch grown men in neon tights bend, grunt, and toss an oblong ball as an excuse to jump on each other in sweaty piles during the NFL season opener.

The date Obama requested falls on the same day as one of the Republican presidential debates, this one the first to feature Texas Gov. Rick Perry. Instead, Obama will now be competing against the NFL season opener.

Obama and Boehner squared off Wednesday, not over the contents of the speech but the date on which Obama will give it.

The White House and the Speaker’s office were at odds over whether the president’s staff had talked to Boehner’s office about the date before announcing it to the press.

Both sides dug in on their arguments, with Boehner’s office saying that the White House had only given them a heads up shortly before announcing the date instead of talking with the speaker about the schedule.

Sorry, Obama, parenting presidenting is hard work!

The big question now becomes what other terrible Republican ideas (or death wishes, if you prefer) will Obama give in to next to spare America the pain and suffering of being once again drowned in John Boehner’s unnaturally orange-colored booze tears?

Will President Obama finally grant the GOP their Christmas wishlist of giant white corporate castles built from the bones of immigrants and welfare recipients, surrounded by a moat of sludge-filled toxic ooze teeming with delicious, regulation-free, three-headed mutant fish?

Oooh, ooh, or maybe he’ll order the EPA to withdraw a proposal for tighter smog regulations, so that America’s children might have less oxygen flowing to their brains on their way to school and everyone can feel the wondrous pleasure of choking on their own beautifully capitalist, albeit highly noxious fumes. Merry lung cancer, America!

Maybe that will help Obama win the GOP’s love!? Probably not, though!

In a dramatic reversal, President Barack Obama on Friday scrubbed a clean-air regulation that aimed to reduce health-threatening smog, yielding to bitterly protesting businesses and congressional Republicans who complained the rule would kill jobs in America’s ailing economy.

Withdrawal of the proposed regulation marked the latest in a string of retreats by the president in the face of GOP opposition, and it drew quick criticism from liberals.

Environmentalists, a key Obama constituency, accused him of caving to corporate polluters, and the American Lung Association threatened to restart the legal action it had begun against rules proposed by President George W. Bush.

Yes, but the important question is, did he please a one John Boehner with all this wonderful human suffering?

A spokesman for House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, had muted praise for the White House, saying that withdrawal of the smog regulation was a good first step toward removing obstacles that are blocking business growth.

**Cough, cough** How sweet, he’s too choked up to speak!

But perhaps more than some of the other regulations under attack, the ground-level ozone standard is most closely associated with public health — something the president said he wouldn’t compromise in his regulatory review.

Ozone is the main ingredient in smog, which is a powerful lung irritant that occasionally forces cancellation of school recesses, and causes asthma and other lung ailments.

Oooh, sounds sexy!

Naturally, the greedy bastards brilliant business minds at the Chamber of Commerce reacted with typical glee. “This an enormous victory for America’s job creators, the right decision by the President, and one that will help reduce the uncertainty facing businesses.”

Less so for the uncertainty facing Mother Earth.

Meanwhile, environmental groups were unrestrained in their disdain toward the decision. “The Obama administration is caving to big polluters at the expense of protecting the air we breathe,” League of Conservation Voters President Gene Karpinski said. “This is a huge win for corporate polluters and huge loss for public health.”

What ever do you mean?

Corporations are people, too! Now they just happen to be people who can now legally go around poisoning children.

There’s your job creating right there!

Oh, and as an added bonus, the debt ceiling will now be covered in lead-based paint and insulated with asbestos. Hooray for America!

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