Runaway Wisconsin Dems On The Lam In Illinois To Escape Crazy Gov. Scott Walker's Big, Bad, Bust-Up Unions Bill

Screw the Middle East, bro, have you seen the crazy shit that’s goin’ down in the Middle West?

All 14 of Wisconsin’s Democratic Senators have fled the state (9-month long winters and this is what it took?) to prevent union-busting, budget-crazed Republicans from voting stripping public employees of their longstanding collective bargaining rights, and basically transforming Wisconsin’s once-powerful, once-strong worker’s unions into nothing more than soft, porous, weak ol’ Swiss cheese, instead of full, dense, rich flavorful cheddar, that tastes great and looks amazing when worn atop the head at sporting events.

But now that Republican Governor Scott Walker’s very kind, very gentle, very reasonable plea for state Democrats to please return to work so they can effectively gut their precious unions to smithereens went ignored, they are also now hiding from Wisconsin state police, who’ve been called in to “round up” these rogue Democrats, and force them into the congressional chamber.

But in order to corral these wayward Dems and ship ’em back to America’s Dairyland, you gotta find ’em first!

In protest of the budget repair bill that will strip public union workers of almost all of their collective bargaining rights, Senate Democrats have walked away from a floor session.
Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald said Dems are refusing to come to the floor to debate and vote on the bill.
Fitzgerald said at some point, if needed, Republicans will use the State Patrol to round up Democrats to bring them to the floor.

But where o where in God’s Great Snow-Covered Plains would a busload of fugitive Senators go when evading the long arm of Wisco’s new Teabagging Gov. Scott Walker’s over-caffeinated, Lipton-loving arm? Why, a generic motel in Illinois, of course!

Wisconsin state Democrats who refused to show up for a vote on Governor Walker’s budget repair bill have been located.
The lawmakers are in Rockford, Illinois at the Best Western Clock Tower Resort and Conference Center.

Ooooh, did you say, “resort?”

Okay, okay, but before Republicans and other human bags o’ herb ‘n spice see the word resort and spontaneously combust with white-hot rage, let’s remember that it’s a freaking Best Western! Sure, the place does have an indoor “water park”, but nonetheless, the word “resort” may be a tad generous when describing this fine Northern Illinois establishment.

So while Wisconsin Dems enjoyed getting drunk and hitting the lazy river in 65,000 square feet of indoor water park fun and games at CoCo Key Water Resort and Key Quest Arcade, thousands of protesters, from state employees and their unions, to college and high school students, to members of the Green Bay Packers and other sympathetic-to-the-rights-and-dignity-of-workers-type suckers took to the Capitol to stomp their hippie feet and shout meany stuff at the awful governor they just elected. Umm, only about 4 months too late Badgers!

Nearly 800 Madison East High School students walked out of school Tuesday morning to join a demonstration against Gov. Scott Walker’s budget repair bill at the Capitol.
As teachers beamed and offered thanks, student organizers in the hallways handed out signs identifying each as a “future worker, future voter,” proclaiming this was a “Walk out for Walker out,” and calling on the Legislature to “kill this bill.”

Hate to rain on your protest parade, cheeseheads, but usually it’s best to take care of these things, as in know where your esteemed public officials stand, like if they’re really union-hating whackjobs, before electing them to power. Just a suggestion.

But then again, it’s their call. If the good people of Wisconsin prefer their lawmakers be forced to live like traveling salesman or fugitive senators, floating around on innertubes in some indoor “lazy river” thing off a highway rest stop in Illinois, then so be it.

In the meantime, Democratic Minority Leader Mark Miller released a statement on behalf of all Democrats urging Gov. Scott Walker and Republicans, who hold a 19-14 majority in the legislature, to listen to opponents of the measure and seek a compromise. Naturally, his statement did not address where Democrats were or when they planned to return.

“We are all willing to come to the table, we’ve have all been willing from day one,” said Madison teacher Rita Miller. “But you can’t take A, B, C, D and everything we’ve worked for in one fell swoop.”

Haha, wanna bet?

Because when voters elected wingnut conservative Gov. Scott Walker, along with his 68-page special needs job plan, and GOP majorities in both legislative chambers, they pretty much were begging for a showdown.

And aside from hitting the road, Democrats have been powerless to stop the bill, marking a dramatic shift for Wisconsin, the birthplace of union representation for public employees.

“The story around the world is the rush to democracy,” said Democratic Sen. Bob Jauch of Poplar. “The story in Wisconsin is the end of the democratic process.”

But on the bright side, at least it is not the end of the cheese processing process!

Though, next time you want to hide from the Wisconsin GOP, and maybe don’t feel like taking a mandatory congressional field trip across state lines, a good idea would probably be to just go somewhere Republicans would never, ever, in a million years be caught dead at.

Like say a library or museum.

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