Sarah Palin And Forrest Gump Have More In Common Than Their IQ

When she’s not starting fights with perverted talk show hosts and bloggers who hate special-needs children, Sarah Barracuda Palin likes to throw on a pair of Asics (no hoity toity Nike’s for her!), breathe in the beautiful sub-zero Alaskan air and hit the trails runnin’!

Ice queen Sarah Palin knows here’s nothing quite like the feeling of your thighs throbbing and lungs burning as you witness the beauty of our 49th state, the great Russian watchdog of Alaska.

“It’s absolutely heaven. I see God’s hand all over this place. As I get out there and run, I see the most beautiful signs of this evolutionary process that has created the mountains and the glacial retreats that have left the valleys and the rivers.”

Evolutionary process?? Please don’t tell us you turned all elitist and started believing in science now that you’re a big shot politician and all. C’mon, Sarah, you of all people should know that glaciers are God’s swimming pools and valley’s are nothing more than the lord’s footprints. Don’t tell anyone, but I think I saw a swoosh imprint. Damn arugula-eating, Nike-wearing deity’s!

But the one thing Sarah does not like other than a “moose’s butt plopping on over into the trail” or falling in front of Secret Service (“so stinkin’ embarrassing!”) is not being able to run, like on the campaign trail with old man McCain.

“I feel so crappy if I go more than a few days without running. I have to run. No matter how rotten I feel before or during a run, it’s always worth it to me afterwards. Sweat is my sanity. A great frustration I had during the campaign was when the McCain staff wouldn’t carve out time for me to go for a run. The days never went as well if I couldn’t get out there and sweat.”

Take away this sparkplug’s ability to sweat and suddenly Africa is no longer an entire continent, but a single country, she can’t remember the name of a single newspaper in America (Wasilla Times?), and “the bailout helps those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy because it’s gotta be all about job creation.”

But on the brightside, if the whole political thing doesn’t work out, Sarah always has a bright future making fun exercise DVDs. You betcha!

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