Sarah Palin's State Of Her Living Room Address To A Grieving Nation (Psst: Jews Eat Christian Babies!)

Everyone knows that the real victim of the recent tragedy in Arizona isn’t the innocent little 9-year-old girl who was shot dead, the young Democratic congresswoman in critical condition with a bullet lodged inside her brain, or even any of the 20 other individuals killed or wounded at the hands of a Glock-totin’ desert dwelling madman. Heavens, no!

The real victim of this unspeakable tragedy is none other than, Sarah Palin, of course! Why, just think of all the terrible, awful things she’s had to endure at the hands of the evil (JEW-RUN) lamestream media simply because she, the Ice Queen of Alaska, occasionally puts maps with gun crosshairs targeting specific politicians on the internets. Err, at least when she isn’t Tweetin’ ’bout “Homos” and killin’ the Mexicans, Muslims, and other scary M-word minorities Americans must hate for freedom and Jesus, that is!

Without further ado, ladies and gentleman, I present to you Sarah Palin, President of having no real job except exploiting horny old white men and dumb-as-doorknobs women with as many kids as shotguns, by spreading hate and fear of everyone but themselves, for money, speaking from her living room fireplace in Wasilla.

Quick, Piper, start the camera rolling in 3…2…1, now!

Ahem, thank you for your applause America. Even in a time of tragedy, you still find time to praise me! You’re too kind, really! Except for those bastard liberals, pundits, and journylists blood libelin’ me, accusin’ me of causing crazy people to do crazy things with guns. Those haters ‘n has-beens have better be careful. Because if they do not watch out, I will literally put the scope of my huntin’ rifle on another member of Congress. I will do it, so help me God. Socialism.

Let’s get one thing straight here. There is nothing, I said, NOTHING wrong with former half-term Governors of the Arctic Circle/Guardians of Russia and current reality teevee stars using interactive map hit lists with gun crosshairs aimed at vulnerable congressmen and women because everyone knows “Take up your arms’ means voting.”

Besides, it was a good map! I mean, it did have like all 50 states on there, not to mention beautiful color graphics in case a person wanted to print it out and take it with them while traveling on say, a murder spree across the continental U.S. of A. Isn’t freedom just the absolute goshdarn bestest!?

“And we certainly must not be deterred by those who embrace evil and call it good.”

Sweet Jesus no! We must give these people reality teevee shows, pour moose piles of money and undeserved attention on them, and then get shot in the head by one of their crazy, ‘merican flag-wrapped followers all in the name of freedom!

Remember people, we must never let the random acts of one deranged apolitical criminal turn us against each other, because what the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks do you think Sarah is here for?

He would know.

Oooh, good start Sar! But enough about those pesky, n’er-do-well, Christ killin’ Jews. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! Back to me, me, me, ME, ME, ME!

So how’s that whole hatey, killy, reloady, crosshairsy, blood libely thing workin’ out for ya?

Just like Clockwork Glockwork. Wink, wink.

Oh, you betcha!!

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