Sorry Charlie! One Down, Only 18,537,969 More Car Crash Victims To Save Before Election Day

Much Like Their Oranges, Florida’s Lawmakers Are Sweet, Fruity & Immediately Shipped Out

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist’s wild journey from rising Republican star to terrible persona non grata was made official the moment he went “Indy” and turned Florida’s once moral, decent, family-values two-way Senate race into a sinful, filthy ménage à trois, unbecoming of any respectable lawmaker and disciplined party robot wishing to be blessed by human bags o’ tea, as the next rightwing burning cross torch bearer of the Grand Old Party.

Sorry Charlie!

But what in sweet sufferin’ succotash could get the GOP’s panties in such a twist over something as sweet ‘n sun-kissed as a once-pure Florida orange by the name of Charlie Crist?

Well, let’s take a look at the unforgivable sins of the Sunshine’s state once bright, now-wayward son, shall we?

Of course, everyone knows Charlie’s reputation was irrevocably tainted and forever ruined, when he first tread on his dear old party and freedom-loving Americans everywhere, by actually wrapping his arms around an evil, arugula eating elitist Kenyan terrorist named Barack Hussein Obama, and giving this absolute ENEMY of humanity an actual hug.

And that’s not all!

Crist then had the sheer audacity to actually accept federal stimulus funds from this presidential madman to help his broke state of Florida recover from the devastating housing crisis, rampant unemployment, and economic crisis rampaging through the nation. Ugh, can you believe the nerve of this guy!?

As if this weren’t bad enough, word has it Mr. Man Hug acted all nice and heroic when he came upon the scene of an accident en route to the Pensacola Naval Air Station.

Instead of following the typical Republican protocol of laughing at the terrible predicament of this worthless Waffle House employee trapped beneath his car and/or throwing a crumpled dollar bill at the poor sod, while shrieking something about “health care” and “welfare queens,” Crist reportedly stopped to help the man and comfort him until paramedics arrived.

As Gov. Charlie Crist was being driven to the Pensacola Naval Air Station on Saturday he came across an accident scene. A car had flipped over causing the driver to become trapped.

Crist stopped to comfort the man until rescue workers arrived. During those tense moments, Crist offered the injured man water and asked the man if his arm was OK, telling him to relax until help arrived.

“I was in an accident once in high school. I was in an SUV. It flipped and went into a ditch. You’ll be OK,” Crist told the man, who said he worked at a local Waffle House.

Crist returned to his vehicle once rescue crews arrived and told reporters the man was “going to be OK.”

So there you have it folks. Undeniable proof that dangerous, selfish rogues like Charlie “Good Samaritan” Crist have no place in today’s Grand Old Party of lower-middle-class white people who laugh at other’s misfortune, wearing waistcoats and breeches while waving patriotic signs about Socialist Nazis like our 44th president, who might as well be Adolf Hitler, if the Führer had a white mother from Kansas, a black father from Kenya, a step-dad from Indonesia, a wicked jump shot, and an uncanny ability to make affordable, quality universal health care sound exactly like the premeditated, extensively detailed, government-sanctioned mechanized slaughter of six million Jews.

Only much, much worse.

Dangerous Liaisons?

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