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Like most new 20-year-old single mothers, Bristol Palin spent her Thursday night riding a mechanical bull and screaming at some gay guy in a West Hollywood bar because that’s what underage, abstinence-crusading hillbillies do when shamelessly grifting, err, filming themselves being idiots for some dumb reality teevee show nobody’s going to watch anyway. So there’s Bristol, […] Congratulations, America! The moment we’ve all been waiting for—and Republicans have been warning us about—is finally here, and it’s most definitely queer. At the stroke of midnight on Tuesday, the terrible, nearly two decades old discriminatory policy banning gays and lezzies from being all they can be as loud ‘n proud members of the U.S. military […] Michele Bachmann may have a set of sparkling baby blues to kill for (try it, she dares you!) and a smokin’ hot body to boot, but how does Rep. “Crazy Eye Candy” from Minnesota keep herself looking so fabulously fashionable?? Why, the secret styling weapon she keeps stashed inside her walk-in closet, of course! From a 2006 […] Michele Meshugana Bachmann went on her favoritest Fox News for the third time in one week not to talk about her homosexual husband’s tendency to listen to struggling men talk about their terrible same-sex attractions all day long (for Jesus!) and also to once again remind the world why anyone too dumb and crazy to […] Aspiring Insane-Person-in-Chief and tragic illiteracy victim Michele Bachmann will not sign dumb, 1000+ page bills helping stupid poor people (or pesky sick kids) get health care, mostly because she’s too busy channeling her lovely kindred spirit serial killing clown John Wayne Gacy and also because anything over three pages double spaced 16-point font makes […] In these contentious times, there are only so many uncontroversial statements a person can make that pretty much everyone can agree with, like say, “cancer is a terrible disease” or “kicking defenseless puppies in the face is wrong” or “the abuse of children is a terrible thing.” Umm, wait, except that last one, if you’re evil, […] Now that Michele Bachmann has officially tossed her hat into the presidential ring as the latest, greatest Republican to humiliate themselves on national teevee, make Mitt Romney look electable, get crushed by Obama in the general elections, America can rest easy knowing that the good Lord Jesus Christ will guide His chosen candidate, everyone’s favorite […] Newt Gingrich sure has had a tough week! First, poor ol’ Newt was forced to apologize to Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan for calling Ryan’s insane, screw-the-old-people budget “radical” (which it is), and explain to one enraged Teabagger after another how terribly sorry he is for his meany words, almost as terribly sorry that it all […] |
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