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Rejoice, America because Illinois could become the tenth state (11th including Washington, DC) to join the 21st century and extend gays and lesbians the right to to be as miserable and undersexed as the rest of straight America in holy, blessed matrimony, likely followed by bitter divorce. The same-sex marriage bill, which passed the senate two […] OMG Chicago, did you hear da awful, terrible, no-good news?? No, no, not that Bears QB Jay Cutler might have torn his MCL along with the entire state of Illinois’ heart out of its chest before pouting cold and alone on the sidelines in Sunday’s painful loss to the hated, rival Green Bay Packers. The other no-good, […] Everyone makes mistakes, Mark Kirk just makes a lot of them. Usually, at the absolute worst time possible. Like, say, two weeks before Senate elections, bad timing! For the most part, Mr. Kirk has managed to keep his lies, distortions, exaggerations, and various f**k-ups out of the prying public eye, save for a few concocted claims […] Charming ex-Illinois crime boss, popular reality-show contestant, and world famous hair-stylist extraordinaire Rod Blagojevich has been found guilty on only one of the 24 charges against him, the lamest possible one, making a false statement or representation to the FBI (like who hasn’t?), with the (braindead?) jury deadlocked on the other 23 counts. So, […] Pop quiz: What kind of man lies about receiving distinguished military awards, his own sexuality (straight as boomerang!), and just for sh*ts and giggles, being a nursery school teacher, way back when he was just a wee college student in New York? Give up? Why, it’s none other than (closeted) Illinois Republican Senate hopeful, Mark Kirk, […] OMG, so like in case you were wondering just who that fashionable hairdresser on the far right of the picture is, and whether his tight l’il behind is available, newsflash!, that colorful ball of fabulousness is none other than conservative GOP congressman of Illinois, Aaron Schock! And perhaps the only thing more schocking than his flamboyant […] It’s been 18 loooong months since insane lego-haired criminal ex-governor of Illinois, Hot Rod Blagojevich, was busted for being the actual insane lego-haired criminal governor and, boy is Blago ready to get back in the ol’ spotlight to finally show the good people of IL-na-na, no make that the world, how a sweet, […] It’s been several days, (weeks even!) since the last prominent, vehemently anti-gay Republican got outed as a secret, terrible homosexual. This is highly unusual! So, naturally the time has come to unveil the latest member of the “is-he-or-isn’t-he-a-secret-gay-hypocrite-club,” Illinois Republican and military award exaggerator extraordinaire, the one, the only, Mark Steven Kirk. Hooray! It’s […] Mark Kirk, At Your Slightly Embellished Service! Like bees and honey, needles and thread, or Glenn Beck and swastikas, politicians and lies go together like $arah Palin and stupid. A perfect fit! When it comes to douchebag politicians lying, misleading, or otherwise bending the truth about which trails they were hiking (like Appalachian paths to hot, extramarital sex […] |
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