The day we’ve all been waiting for, if only to never have to hear the words Mitt Romney or bayonets or “binders full of women” ever again. But mostly Mitt Romney.


So, alas, America, who will it be??

Will Mitt Romney win the hearts and minds of America by convincing them he […]

WWJD? Probably Anything But Ask Rick Perry & His Crazy People Revival For Help!

Read My Lips. No New Texans!

It is no secret that God has been keeping all the rain to himself (mastery of the universe sure makes a deity thirsty!) and shooting fire and brimstone at the morality-crazed wingnuts in the American South like some wild, hormone-crazed, undersexed teenager furiously firing BB pellets at empty beer cans […]

WWJD? "Man Up, Accept Responsibility, & Let The Poor Bastard's House Burn Like A Good Christian Martyr!"

What Would Jesus Do? Let the broke-ass motherf**ker burn baby burn!

I mean what the hell else would El Savior do? Grab a hose, start sprayin’ and save a family’s home, three dogs, a cat, and the now-charred, still-smoldering remains of any human decency still existing in the world??

Wake up, junior! There’s no such thing as […]

Glenn Beck Cannot Possibly Die, Because Death Is For Mere Mortals, Not Blind Prophets On The Sacred Path To Involuntary Commitment

Holy Mental Mormons! Blond haired angel of truth and possibly soon-to-be blind prophet Glenn Beck took to his favoritest radio show, his own, to reveal some very startling news: the divine messenger himself, Glenn Lee Beck, may be dying! OMG!

Err, at least we think so, as Glenn Beck is being very cryptic about the whole […]

This Just In: Barack Obama's Entire Family Is Officially Black...Gasp!

OMG!! So, while we were off stuffing our fat faces full of marshmallow Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs in celebration of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ’s miraculous resurrection from the sweet hereafter, President Barack Obama was secretly filling out his evil Socialist Census, and what does Mr. Community Organizer go and do?

Finally ‘fesses up […]