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Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly has a question: “A man beats a 100 pound woman into a coma over a parking space. He claims she deserves it. Could he be right? In Kelly’s Court!” I don’t know, could he be right? Wait, did you say it was over a parking space? So, umm, in that case, […] Famous people like Charlie “Tiger Blood” Sheen, Rahm “9½ Fingers” Emanuel, and Sarah “Lou” Palin have “verified” Twitter accounts, meaning their ghostwritten 140-character thoughts, ruminations, and random profanity-laced outbursts are honored with a little green check mark next to their name, proving that they are indeed the awesome celebrities they claim to be (or, at […] When not granting sleazy mega corporations the same rights, privileges, and fabulous new ability to donate as much cold, hard cash to political campaigns as your average Snuggie-wearing schlub on the sofa stuffing Pringles in his mouth, the Supreme Court is busy doing other vital things, like coming thisclose to unanimously ruling in favor of […] What is with the Jews these days? The damn yids just cannot stop forcing otherwise renowned, well-respected, wealthy, international middle-aged men (of mystery), notably John Galliano and Julian Assange, to say terrible, bigoted, ignorant things about them in bars, interviews, and other public places vicious anti-Semitic rants are typically discouraged. Apparently, killing Christ just wasn’t enough […] Retired snow bunny, current reality teevee star, and president of Twitterbook, Sarah Louise Palin, is trying her very hardest to be taken seriously as a real, electable politician! Mostly by alternating her precious time pallin’ around bein’ free with Kate Gosselin in majestic, wild Alaska and tweeting 140-character gibberish no one understands all so she […] South Carolina’s favorite sexually ambiguous native son, lifelong bachelor, and lesbian look-a-like senior Senator Lindsey Graham is always reliably against deviant homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because well, Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all! And not just any gay-bashin’ war lovin’ rough ‘n tumble conservative from below the Mason-Dixon line, but a certain effeminate, never-been-married […] Get excited America, because last night was the night Republicans “took back Washington” from smart presidents with scary brown skin, wrested control of the House from that no-good Nazi Pelosi lady always prattling on about silly things like equality and helping those gross poors and gays, and with the blessings of Jesus Christ, the bear […] |
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