The Gays Are Coming! The Gays Are Coming! Meaning Rightwing Nutjobs Are CPACking Their Bags & Heading For The Homo-Free Haven Better Known As Denial

America’s favoritest wingnut conference “CPAC” has shined the bright spotlight of hate on many a rising rightwing star, such as the inimitable Sarah Palin/Palin Family Inc.™, adorable giraffe necked alien Ann Coulter, off-the-hook Republican National Chairman of hip hop Michael “Straight Out Da Streets” Steele, and of course, every other Republican wingnut with dreams of putting a White Man back in the once-pure White House.

But all of CPAC’s rockin’ celebrity appeal and sizzling star power has some hard core (and we don’t mean the xxx kind) fringe far right family groups very angry. So white hot raging angry in fact, that some purer, moral souls like the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America, have gone so far as to boycott the conference now that the terrible gays have been invited.

And not just any gays but the kind of overt, out ‘n proud filthy homosexuals, conservatives and John McCain have spent their whole lives or last two months trying to keep out of the military and away from sacred hetero altars because of security and the bible and the sanctity of shotgun weddings in Las Vegas.

At least according to the #1 news source for all things morally pure and Jesus-approved, World Net Daily:

Two of the nation’s premier moral issues organizations, the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America, are refusing to attend the Conservative Political Action Conference in February because a homosexual activist group, GOProud, has been invited.

Oh no! Not the GOProud and their terrible, self-loathing gay cooties!

Of course the decent folk over at the Family Research Council and Concerned Women for America won’t meet the awful hell-bound homos at CPAC; they much prefer their secret homosexual trysts undercover, anonymous and in Minneapolis airport mens’ rooms like normal closet cases simmering in their own sinful same-sexuality shame. Just look for toe tapping and a wide stance.

Surely, the straight-as-speedo-wearing-squiggly-line, lisping manly man behind (ha ha, behind!) “Americans for Truth about Homosexuality” has something to say about these fabulous queer-free developments.

“Excellent. It is gratifying to see FRC and CWA respond appropriately to CPAC’s moral sellout of allowing GOProud as a sponsor,” said Peter LaBarbera, president of Americans for Truth about Homosexuality, the nation’s best-known organization dedicated exclusively to opposing the homosexual political agenda.
“Shame on CPAC for defending the absurd proposition that one can be ‘conservative’ while embracing moral surrender — in this case the idea espoused by GOProud of the government granting ‘rights’ and benefits based on sinful sexual conduct long regarded as anathema to biblical and Judeo-Christian values,” LaBarbera added.

OMG, like sooooooooo true! Surely, Mr. Peter LaBarbera knows a thing or two about the scourge of homosinuality considering his entire livelihood is based on his unwavering dedication to ensuring the proper penis-vagina ratios (1:1) in every bedroom, highway rest stop, abandoned church parking lot, and act of Christ-blessed coitus across the land.

It’s not like he participates in any of this unholy man-on-man deviance. He is against homosexuality, after all! It’s just that, unlike say, you , me, and most everyone else on Earth, his job requires him to constantly think about rock-hard cocks, and all the tasty places they should and shouldn’t go, as far as men’s anuses and mouths, ’round-the-clock, every waking hour of every single day.

Because everyone knows that a person with a name like “Peter LaBarbera” would never, ever get caught on a 10-day European gaycation with the “luggage handler”/”male prostitute” he hired at, or snorting methamphetamine off a gay hooker’s penis, before sucking it to completion.

Heavens-to-Betsy, no! Such sick abominations are reserved for all the other vehemently anti-gay, violently homophobic, not-at-all-suspicious right wing Christian closet fruits who like nuts, such as George Rekers, Ted Haggard, Larry Craig, and every other oddly outspoken critic of sinful butt sex whose last name does not consist of a women’s name and the world’s faggiest prefix ‘La’ stuck in front of it.

On the bright side, at least someone will still be free to wave ‘God Hates Fags’ signs at fallen gay soldiers’ funerals like normal, decent God-fearing, gay-hating, straight-as-a-salt-pillar Christians.

Just as Jesus LaChrist intended.

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