The Smartest Thing The Man's Never Said

Unlike the rest of the doomsday Republicans, former president George W. Bush isn’t about to jump on the bandwagon of relentless Obama-bashing just because it’s cool to gang up on the guy making the decisions.

You see, Bush knows what it’s like being “The Decider,” and making the tough choices for the good of the country often means making the unpopular choices.

“I’m not going to spend my time criticizing him. There are plenty of critics in the arena. He deserves my silence.”

The courtesy does not extend to the rest of us. Instead, Dubya has a little treat he’s been working on since leaving office–a new presidential memoir scheduled for 2010!

But unlike the traditional snoozefests from former presidents with their big words and small font, Bush plans to make his a little different; more exciting. Kind of like a Dummies Guide To Being President.

His book, tentatively (not decisively) titled “Decision Points” will focus on some of W’s most momentous personal and presidential choices, including his life-changing decisions to quit his hard-partying, boozy ways at the age of 30, find Jesus, pick an evil troll named Dick Cheney as his running mate, let New Orleans drown, bankrupt the nation, and start two wars but still fail to capture 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden 7 years after he sent two planes barreling into New York City.

“I want people to understand the environment in which I was making decisions. I want people to get a sense of how decisions were made, and I want people to understand the options that were placed before me.”

Only then will they be able to appreciate the kind of true greatness it takes to screw everything up this badly.