While the world was busy pouring over silly, trivial summer news stories like illegal wars in Libya, the Grand Old Party’s Grand Old War on poor people, and esteemed members of Congress tweeting fuzzy pics of their own esteemed members, the rest of us were breathlessly waiting for real, important news stories about Sarah Palin getting back on her ridiculous Constitution-covered bus and driving through more states on some dumb RV road trip, grifter tour through the Lower 48, faux presidential campaign extravaganza.
Until, like so many of our fellow patriots with bills to pay but no job by which to pay them, our hopes and dreams were abruptly shattered in one fell swoop: Sarah Palin’s wild bus ride adventures talking to old white people is no more!
Oh, the humanity!
Like every other task she starts, minus birthing precious li’l miracles of God, former half-term governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin decided to up and quit halfway through her bus ride for freedom, too.
WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY SEEN THIS COMING??
Ummm, anyone with a brain probably.
RealClearPolitics reports:
Though Palin and her staff never announced a timeline for the remaining legs of her trip, aides had drafted preliminary itineraries that would have taken her through the Midwest and Southeast at some point this month. But those travel blueprints are now in limbo, RCP has learned, as Palin and her family have reverted to the friendly confines of summertime Alaska, where the skies are currently alight for over 19 hours a day and the Bristol Bay salmon fishing season is nearing its peak.
As Palin enjoys her sojourn to the 49th state, she has not reconnected with key early-state figures like Iowa Gov. Terry Branstad and South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, and she may have jeopardized whatever political momentum she gained from her recent reemergence in the 2012 discussion. Her political action committee’s website still greets visitors with a stale banner, announcing the nationwide bus tour beginning “[t]his Sunday, May 29th.”
More than a few of Palin’s core supporters have grown impatient and confused about her strategy, venting their frustration on Internet fan sites.
Wait, what? “Palin’s core supporters have grown impatient and confused?” Hahaha, that doesn’t even make sense! Everyone knows they’ve never grown anything except maybe their waistlines, and have always been, currently are, and will forever be confused. It’s pretty much a requirement.
As you’d expect America’s most distinguished quitter Sarah Louis Palin is, of course, furious that the awful lamestream media simply assumed she quit her bus tour (because it’s pretty much what she always does) and took to her favoritest Facebook to speak her mind.
“Imagine our surprise when reading media reports today that the “One Nation Tour” has been cancelled. Why didn’t anyone tell me? Oh, wait, that’s because it hasn’t been cancelled. (Good ol’ media… you never cease to amaze!)”
Seriously, when will you media people learn that stopping her “Half Nation” bus tour and returning to Alaska does not mean “quitting.” It means, snowbilly grifters get tired and stressed and need to take a vacation from their vacations sometimes.
Besides, if you nosy bastards must know, Palin was called home for “jury duty,” which is Alaskan for salmon fishing and getting laid.
“As I said myself at the end of the east coast leg of the tour, the summer is long, and I’m looking forward to hitting the open road again. The coming weeks are tight because civic duty calls (like most everyone else, even former governors get called up for jury duty) and I look forward to doing my part just like every other Alaskan.”
“I wouldn’t think it to be such a slow news day that, what with numerous wars and serious economic woes concerning Americans, a bus is driving news stories today. The next leg of the tour continues when the time comes. In the meantime, no one should jump to conclusions – certainly not the media with their long track record of getting things wrong or just making things up.”
That’s Sarah’s job!
Wait, don’t call it a job. If she knew being a talentless, scheming ne’er-do-well who steals attention from hard-working, struggling Americans was in itself a full-time job, she’d just quit that too.
