There Will Be Blood…In Texas

The secessionist nutjobs (patriots of the Confederacy, former slaveowners and so forth) held a HUGE rally (like 10 people!) in front of the Texas State Capitol last week to show the nation how a Real American acts: By gearing up for a war against their sworn enemy the HATED United States.

But there was something decidedly absent from last weekend’s “Sovereignty or Secession” rally other than brain cells: Gov. Rick Perry and his 70-plus pretend secessionist allies from the state legislature were nowhere to be found!

But why would the freedom-loving, secessionist governor of the second most populous state fail to make an appearance to support the cause he holds so dear: dissolving the God-awful Union?

Certainly not because he was, dare I say, embarrassed to be seen hobnobbing with such fine company. I’m sure Rick and Co. have a perfectly reasonable explanation for their absence, like not wanting to commit total political suicide quite yet.

Which means it was up to plump Texas Nationalist Movement leader Daniel Miller to fire up the crowd and give the people what they came for (besides seeing Fox News in real life!): to demand Texas legislators “immediately move for the restoration of the complete and unadulterated Sovereignty of Texas…or move immediately for complete Secession from the United States of America.”

In the absence of actual politicians like Rick Perry, the protesters instead made do with Christian activist and deranged Gov. hopeful Larry Kilgore, whose enlightened policies include executing homosexuals and carrying out other deranged versions of the Lord’s commandments, as well as Melissa Pehle-Hill (who??), member of the self-appointed “Citizens Grand Jury” investigating Barack Hussein Obama aka Barry Soetoro aka Obama bin Laden.

Oh, and plenty of tattooed bikers sporting Confederate memorabilia of all kinds, lots of older men in Texas flag shirts wearing too-tight blue jeans (complete with the obligatory crotch-hug), conspiracy theorists wandering around with various Obama-as-Joker, Obama-as-Hitler signs, and just enough cowboy hats, facial hair, and rotting teeth to make a normal person very uncomfortable.

“I hate that flag up there,” Kilgore said pointing to the American flag flying over the Capitol. “I hate the United States government…They’re an evil, corrupt government. They need to go. Sovereignty is not good enough. Secession is what we need!”

To which the patriotic crowd roared in approval, “We hate the United States!”

One Ron Paul nut lady chimed in: “We are aware that stepping off into secession may in fact be a bloody war. We are aware that the tree of freedom is occasionally watered with the blood of tyrants and patriots.”

Or the blood of a handful of psychotic renegades after the evil US empire invades their new homeland, the “country” of Texas, obliterates its entire population, and levels the whole freaking place in less than a New York minute.

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