These 'Baggers Are So Crazy, Not Even Fox News Is Sippin' Their Tea!

Just One Question: What The Hell’s An Allien?

OMG, say it ain’t so, please say it ain’t so! Not America’s favoritest Fox News, the news patriots, freedom lovers, and connoisseurs of Earl Grey, English Breakfast, and even the suspiciously Muslimy sounding Darjeeling, depend on to bring them the fair and balanced truth, without the elitist, liberal media spin, also known as facts.

Just look at the anti-American propaganda currently being peddled (on the Internets) by the most trusted name in all of “news,” America’s channel Fox, saying terrible things about the Teabaggers being crazy and racist and basically horrible human beings when everyone knows they’re just following the footsteps of our founding fathers, trying to get the truth out there, no matter what kind of illegal Kenyan migrant turned President is trying to keep them down.

“While organizers have held the tour as a way to stay front-and-center as a political force, the rallies have also attracted the kinds of mistruths, exaggerations and conspiracy theories that make Tea Party leaders cringe.”

WHAT?? What ever do you mean by “mistruths, exaggerations, and conspiracy theories” making Tea Party leaders cringe? That B. Hussein NObama is a secret Muslim terrorist Nazi who wants to murder Grandma and Baby Trig, while dancing wildly around the South Lawn bonfire fueled by the tears of the innocent (yes, they’re flammable!) and the long, wordy, soon-to-be charred pages of our nation’s Constitution?

Those “mistruths?” According to whom? The lesbian Joseph Goebbels of left-wing propaganda, MSNBC’s own Rachel Maddow?

Quick, someone alert Glenn Beck! I don’t care if he in his office weeping hysterically, working on his new flow chart about the deep, heart-wrenching pain that comes with discovering that all his precious tea varieties (black, green, oolong, and even white gasp!) come from a single Camellia Sinensis plant, native to COMMUNIST China! Oh, the horror!

This aggression cannot stand! Just look at the outrageous things this Fox News “reporter” is claiming happens at these Tea Party Express rallies where angry overweight Paul Reveres and George Washington’s sit in tattered, creaking lawn chairs, shoving White Castle sliders into their pie holes while waving weeping American Flags with tears instead of stars because this new black Hitler has declared himself president of the world.

“‘Obama, to me, is a socialist. He’s a Muslim and all he wants to do is bankrupt us and run us into the ground,’ Ken Schwalbach of Escanaba, Mich., said at a rally on Friday.”

“Some suggest Obama wants to keep Americans unemployed so that they become dependent on government-run programs. Lenin and Stalin have become catchwords to describe Obama in the speeches denouncing his policies.”

“Ron Moore of Petoskey, Mich., said he stood firm in his belief that the Democrats’ goal was to implement ‘death panels’ to decide who receives medical care and who does not. ‘They’ve already started,’ he said.”

“Going further, swastikas, as well as pictures of Obama’s face next to Adolf Hitler’s, have appeared on signs at dozens of rallies blasting the president and the Democrat-controlled Congress.”

“Other Tea Party members continue to question the president’s citizenship — a sign reading ‘Show Us Your Birth Certificate’ popped up at a recent rally in Traverse City, Mich.”

“‘What’s more disturbing is that he’s not answering them,’ Tea Party member and conservative blogger Andrea Shay King said of the questions over Obama’s birthplace.”

But most disturbing of all is America’s #1 Teabagger News Channel’s treacherous defamation of the decent, hardworking caffeinated spice n’ herb crowd–the very hand that feeds them!

So, what do the Tea Party organizers have to say about their favoritest Fox pulling a Benedict Arnold and slandering their loyal TEAtotalers?

“Any movement is going to have fringe elements,” said Joan Fabiano, a Tea Party organizer based in Lansing, Mich. “If there’s any sort of hateful and racist signs, that is something the Tea Party in general would disavow.”

Like “Joe the Plumber,”aka America’s favorite pretend sanitary worker, Samuel Joe Wurzelbacher who doesn’t need racist signs or colonial costumes with Hitler mustaches to criticize liberals for their failure to round up all them dumb Mexicans.

His solution? “Put a fence in, start shooting,” Wurzelbacher said.

The “plumber” also said the federal government made a mockery of the military by choosing to “coddle terrorists.”

“Line up every last terrorist and I’ll torture them myself,” he said. “And I’m not just talking.”

That’s for later, when he lines up all those stinkin’ Mexicans and uses his inability to formulate coherent sentences to teach those dirty, border-hoppin’ aliens a thing or two about what happens when messing with the mighty Red, White, and Blue!

And don’t think for one second that if he knew anything about septic tanks, he would even so much as hesitate to flush those disgusting Latin intruders right down the toilet, and back to Mexico where they belong.

But that would require the ability to actually know how to press the handle that makes the toilet go whoooosh, or if God forbid something went wrong, how to use one of those wooden sticks with the rubber sombrero on top.

Unfortunately, the only experience Joe has with excrement is the kind that comes out of his mouth.

And by then, the Mexicans probably won’t help him out either. So, in that case, I guess it’s adiós, ingrates!?

Sorry, We Don’t Speak Teabonics!