Twitter Dee & Twitter Dum

God damn f**king Twitter! If it’s not the stupidest, most idiotic 140-character waste of time ever invented, I don’t know what is. It even makes those ridiculous
Tamagotchis seem brilliant, which is no small feat for a digital, egg-shaped, hand-held pet that eats, pees and dies.

Yet, Twitter has officially managed to become the new crack of the technology world. Everywhere you look, someone is twittering something. The media can’t stop buzzing about it, celebs love it, and politicians can’t get enough.

Of course, anytime a new fad pops up (especially if it involves the Internets!), it is the media’s job to endlessly discuss until any and all semblance of cool has been completely sucked out. Which in this case, didn’t take very long.

Same for politicians, especially Republicans who have been dominating the Twitter scene, partially thanks to the off-the-hook PR blitz by RNC Chairman Michael Steele. A hip new way of communicating about nonsense with a bunch of teenyboppers is a sure-fire way to stave off political irrelevance. Nothing says cool like a House Republican twittering about how slutty Nancy Pelosi looked during the last filibuster debate.

Hollywood’s also jumped on the Twitter train, with hot celebs like Kanye West, Brittney Spears, 50 Cent, and other A-listers keeping their fans up-to-date on important happenings like when their next album drops and why Pop-Tarts are so much better than Toaster Strudel.

But typing life updates in 140 characters or less can be quite challenging for these time-pressed stars. Which is why many have instead turned to outsourcing their Tweets by hiring so-called ghost Twitterers to do their dirty work writing one to two sentences about how rush hour traffic sucks and why McDonalds should sell Shamrock Shakes year round.

Which may strike some Twitter purists like Shaquille O’Neal as ridiculous.

“If I am going to speak, it will come from me. It’s 140 characters…If you need a ghostwriter for that, I feel sorry for you.”

Self-hating Twitterer John Mayer agrees. “If you really think that Twitter is the pathway to spiritual enlightenment, well…It’s one step away from sending pictures of your poop.”

Now, you know brilliance like that doesn’t come from no ghost Twitterer!

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