What Do You Call 11,062 Square Feet Of Unparalleled Mormon Luxury? Mitt Romney's Big Love Shack!

OMG, did you hear the terrible, Earth-shattering news? No, no not that Slick Rick Perry has entered the Presidential race in a noble attempt to destroy restore America to its wonderful Antebellum glory. Something far, far more sinister!

President Barack Obama has just embarked on his third consecutive annual family vacation to Martha’s Vineyard, in August, when literally nothing happens anywhere anyway. Ugh, the elitist nerve!

Well this makes some people very pretend furious!

Like a one Willard “Mittens” Romney, who was simply outraged that that barbarian president of ours, the one with the chocolate skin and secret Socialist smile, would dare summer on his aristocratic island of privilege and palaces, Martha’s Vineyard, at the same time his charming Mormon brood was sucking sweet lobster tail with fellow Latter Day Saints for $2,500 a pop.

“If you’re the president of the United States, and the nation is in crisis — and we’re in a jobs crisis right now — then you shouldn’t be out vacationing,” Romney told Chicago’s WLS-AM radio hosts Don Wade and Roma.

That’s Mitten’s job, damn it!

“Instead you should be focusing on getting the economy going again. And, yeah, go back to the office yourself, pull back members of Congress and focus on getting the job done.”

Like figuring out some way to turn his God-awful, cramped, 3,009 square feet, $12 million oceanside hobo ranch in La Jolla into something a little more “adequate” for his needs, like say, a disgustingly ginormous, mind-blowingly lavish 11,062-square-foot fortress, so he can finally relax without one of “the help” breathing down his neck every time he blows his maid whistle to have his hair fluffed or feet rubbed.

From the San Diego Union-Tribune:

GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney, scheduled to attend a series of fundraisers this weekend in San Diego, is also working on plans to nearly quadruple the size of his $12 million oceanfront manse in La Jolla.

Romney has filed an application with the city to bulldoze his 3,009-square-foot, single-story home at 311 Dunemere Dr. and replace it with a two-story, 11,062-square-foot structure. No date has been set to consider the proposed coastal development and site development permits, which must be approved by the city.

According to a description from the listing agent, the Spanish-style residence at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac is sophisticated and understated in its décor, “offering complete privacy and unsurpassed elegance.” Tentative plans call for new retaining walls and a relocated driveway, but would retain the existing lap pool and spa.

Ostentatious luxury homes are people, too! Besides, having only 3,009 square feet is more of a clusterf*ck than a naked blindfolded pyramid at Guantanamo. For American everyman Mittens Romney, an 11,062-square-foot mansion is more like basic human dignity!

But fear not America! Because while elitist Obama and his royal First Family frolic in some hoity-toity island/winery Martha Stewart owns, Romney will not begin construction on his reasonable new West Coast fortress while he is still a presidential candidate.

Which should be coming to a screeching halt in 3, 2, 1…

From Politico:

“Construction will not begin until the permits have been obtained and the campaign is finished,” the [Romney campaign] official said.

Oh, building to begin in October then?

The reason for the expansion, according to the official, is family: “They want to enlarge their two bedroom home because with five married sons and 16 grandchildren it is inadequate for their needs.”

You know how those sisterwives are about confined spaces!

But seriously, all of Mitt Romney’s grown adult children are still living in mom ‘n pop’s basement!?

C’mon people, what’s more American than that?

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