Are you a Jew, woman, college graduate, lawyer, Latino, young person, black person, nurse, police officer, Episcopalian, celebrity or anyone else who doesn’t feel a burning urge to pump hundreds of hollow-point rounds into small, defenseless animals and/or innocent schoolchildren?
Well then, WATCH OUT because the National Rifle Association is locked, loaded, and aiming ready to TAKE YOU OUT (of the political process, of course).
As much as they’d looove to shoot you (with video games, I presume), they simply cannot commit murder, since they only have guns, and everyone knows guns don’t kill people.
Good thing because the NRA’s Institute for Legislative Action has gone ahead and published a list of national organizations, corporations, journalists, and super-famous celebrities who have expressed support for “anti-gun policies,” or as the rest of society calls them, “totally sane restrictions on semi automatic death machines designed only to kill, maim, and destroy.”
Among those included in the crosshairs of this admirably (or is it pathologically?) exhaustive NRA hit list are:
AARP
AFL-CIO
American Civil Liberties Union
American Medical Association
American Federation of Teachers
American Bar Association
American Academy of Pediatrics
American Psychological Association
American Jewish Congress
Anti-Defamation League
American Nurses Association
B`nai B`rith
College Democrats of America
National Association of Police Organizations
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
National Education Association
National Council of La Raza
National Organization for Women
Southern Christian Leadership Conference
Unitarian Universalist Association
United States Catholic Conference
Women`s National Democratic Club
YWCA of the U.S.A.
Interesting to note that the NRA is gunning for the YWCA, but not the YMCA, which naturally has NOTHING to do with sexism. It’s just that they know women can’t do anything without a big, strapping man Manchester rifle by their side.
Don’t worry, because the NRA is so insane that even if you’re a gun-toting, bible-thumping, NOBAMA-hating, gay-baiting, immigrant-bashing, animal-massacring nutjob who measures his manhood by the length of your barrel, chances are you’re still probably an avowed enemy of the National Rifle Association.
And no NRA hit-list would be complete without the obligatory cameos by Hollywood’s biggest, brightest stars, and also their slightly less-dazzling counterparts. Among the powerful celebrelitists (that you’ve actually maybe heard of) to come under NRA fire:
Maya Angelou – Poet
David Arquette – Actor
Alec Baldwin – Actor
Bob Barker – TV Personality
Drew Barrymore – Actress
Kevin Bacon – Actor
Tony Bennett – Singer
Boys II Men – Pop Group
Jon Bon Jovi – Singer
James Brolin – Actor
Mel Brooks – Actor/Director
Steve Buscemi – Actor
Kim Cattrall- Actress
Stockard Channing – Actress
George Clooney – Actor
Jennifer Connelly – Actress
Kevin Costner – Actor
Sean Connery – Actor
Sheryl Crow – Singer
Billy Crystal- Actor
Matt Damon – Actor
Ellen Degeneres – Actress
Danny DeVito – Actor
Michael Douglas – Actor
Phil Donahue – Talk Show Host
Fran Drescher – Actress
Richard Dreyfus – Actor
David Duchovny – Actor
Missy Elliott – Singer
Gloria Estefan – Singer
Melissa Etheridge – Singer
Mia Farrow – Actress
Sally Field – Actress
Doug Flutie – NFL player
Jane Fonda – Actress
Jodie Foster – Actress
Rick Fox – NBA Player
Art Garfunkel – Singer
Geraldo – TV personality
Richard Gere – Actor
Ethan Hawke – Actor
Dustin Hoffman – Actor
Helen Hunt – Actress
Diane Keaton – Actress
Lenny Kravits – Singer
Lisa Kudrow – Actress
k.d. lang – Singer
Denis Leary – Actor
John Leguizamo – Actor
Spike Lee – Director
Tara Lipinski – Former Olympian
Keyshawn Johnson – NFL player
Rob Lowe – Actor
Kyle MacLachlan – Actor
Madonna – Singer
Mase – Singer
Penny Marshall – Director
John McEnroe – Athlete
Natalie Merchant – Singer
Bette Midler – Singer
Mary Tyler Moore – Actress
Michael Moore – Film Maker
Mike Myers – Actor
N Sync – Music group
Jack Nicholson – Actor
Rosie O`Donnell- Actress/Talk Show Host
Sarah Jessica Parker – Actress
Michelle Pfieffer – Actress
Rob Reiner – Actor/Director
Robert Redford – Actor/Director
Anne Rice – Writer
Julia Roberts – Actress
Tim Robbins – Actor
Renee Russo – Actress
Meg Ryan – Actress
Susan Sarandon – Actress
Jerry Seinfeld – Actor
Martin Sheen – Actor
Russell Simmons – Record Producer
Mira Sorvino – Actress
Britney Spears – Singer
Bruce Springsteen – Singer
Barbra Streisand – Singer
Sylvester Stallone – Actor
Meryl Streep – Actress
Patrick Stewart – Actor
Sharon Stone – Actress
Sting – Singer
Jonathan Taylor Thomas – Actor
The Temptations – Pop Group
Vinny Testaverde – NFL player
Uma Thurman – Actress
Shania Twain – Singer
Dick Van Dyke – Actor
Harvey Weinstein – Producer
Sigourney Weaver – Actress
Henry Winkler – Actor
Oprah Winfrey – Entertainer
Catherine Zeta-Jones – Actress
Ahmet Zappa -Actor
Diva Zappa -Actress
Dweezil Zappa – Musician
Gail Zappa
Moon Zappa -Actress
Whew!! That’s a lot of Zappas opening their trappas! Also, glad to know Rizzo’s finally doing something other than getting knocked up by Kenickie. And go JTT! I always knew Jonathan Taylor Thomas had a bright future beyond full-page spreads in Teen Beat magazine.
But as exhaustive (and psychotic) as the NRA’s hit list may be, there’s always room for more enemies of assault rifles in the hands of lunatics!
Perhaps the they should consider adding these unlikely gun rights’ opponents to their death-by-firing-squad decree:
- NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre —LaGun Nut extraordinaire. The very public, very stupid face of the NRA’s current pro gun, anti-reason platform. But why an enemy you ask? Because every time Wayne LaPierre opens up his LaPiehole, support for gun control laws goes up five points.
- Facts and Figures–If only it were true that guns in the home prevent more violence than they cause, maybe there would be less dead loved ones and more bullet-ridden criminals who’ll think twice before breaking and entering your home again.
- Dead Children/Innocent Victims–Maybe, just maybe if all those innocent kids and defenseless victims stopped getting in the way of automatic assault weapons, their tiny, bullet-ridden bodies would stop violating the sacred 2nd Amendment rights of America’s patriotic defenders of liberty.
- Women’s Vaginas–If Republican legislators were as concerned with regulating firearms as they are with regulating vaginas, the senseless killing of human life would still matter once it comes out of the womb. Until then, loosy goosy should only apply to dangerous, powerful things like female ladyparts, not wholesome, harmless ones like machine guns with high capacity magazines.
[image via Wonkette]