Just Because He Didn't Say It, Doesn't Mean It's Not True


It’s still the smartest thing he’s ever said. Or not said. Seriously, does it even matter anymore?

#GoTrumpYourself #TrumpFacts #AsRealAsMeredithMcIver #AsRealAsHisHair #DumbRepublicans

[via Snopes]

Illinois House Approves Same-Sex Marriage, Proving The State's Bankruptcy Is Limited To Money Not Morals

Image result for Marriage equality Illinois

Rejoice, America because Illinois could become the tenth state (11th including Washington, DC) to join the 21st century and extend gays and lesbians the right to to be as miserable and undersexed as the rest of straight America in holy, blessed matrimony, likely followed by bitter divorce.

The same-sex marriage bill, which passed the senate two weeks ago by a 34-21 margin, worked its sassy self down to the  Illinois House Executive Committee, where sanity and justice reigned supreme by a 6-5 margin.

Guess we’re not in Kansas anymore!

Chicago Democrat and sponsor of the bill Rep. Greg Harris says once approved, he expects the House Executive Committee to send the legislation to the full body.

Oooh sounds sexy!

Accidental-Governor-No-More Pat Quinn said he will sign the bill into law as soon as it reaches his desk.

“Illinois has a role in the civil rights movement and has been consistently on the forefront of ensuring equal rights for all people throughout history,” his spokesperson, Brooke Anderson, told the Washington Blade after the state Senate approved the bill. “We just think it’s the next step in achieving equality for all. Gov. Quinn believes it’s the right thing to do.”

Or as they say in Illinois, it’s fucking golden.

[image via Pinkisthenewblog]

Traditionally Dumb Indiana High School Teacher Demands Traditional Prom Free From Gross Gay Kids

Ooooh look, America, another day, another crazy Christian crusadin’ against them darn gays and lezzies! But don’t get mad at her for hatin’ on the hell-bound homosexuals and their deviant lifestyles, get mad at God for making them that way.

You know, deep, sensitive, progressive, fashion-forward, freshly groomed and all the other terrible ways gays and lesbians are sinking their perfectly manicured claws into America’s youth.

Which is why decent, God-fearing adults like Sullivan High School Special Ed teacher Diana Medley are speaking out against the sick, twisted gay menace creeping its way into Sullivan, Indiana’s once-pure, once-homo free town. By banning gay students from their high school prom, like rational, mature adult educators of our nation’s youth.

How enlightened!

Via NBC 2:

Students, parents, and at least one teacher at Sullivan High School in Sullivan, Indiana, have come together in support for a “traditional prom” that prohibits gays from attending. “We don’t agree with it and it’s offensive to us,” said Diana Medley.

Those who met yesterday at the Sullivan First Christian Church to discuss the possibility of holding a “separate but equal” prom say others agree with their idea but are reluctant to speak up.

“If we can get a good prom then we can convince more people to come and follow what they believe,” student Kynon Johnson told NBC 2.

“We want to make the public see that we love the homosexuals, but we don’t think it’s right nor should it be accepted,” said student Bonnie McCammon.

Thankfully, there to ensure Sullivan High School remains a bigoted, backwater bastion of homophobia complete with a separate and segregated prom for straight (and closeted!) kids only is none other than super straight, super special (neediest) teacher Diana Medley.

And this special ed teacher is so special she doesn’t believe anyone is born gay. Suck it Gaga!

“I believe that it was life circumstances and they chose to be that way; God created everyone equal,” said Medley.

Duh! But then it is up to us humans to divide and discriminate based upon dumb, arbitrary reasons like ignorance, fear, shame, hatred, denial, and of course, everyone’s favorite, repressed desires.

“Homosexual students come to me with their problems, and I don’t agree with them, but I care about them,” Medley explained. “It’s the same thing with my special needs kids, I think God puts everyone in our lives for a reason.”

And where better to stick students with learning disabilities than with a mentally challenged teacher? As if being a queer kid growing up in Sullivan, Indiana (population 4,249) isn’t hard enough!

Asked if she thought gays also “have a purpose in life,” Medley responded in her usual sane, compassionate manner.

“No, I honestly don’t. Sorry, but I don’t. I don’t understand it. A gay person isn’t going to come up and make some change unless it’s to realize that it was a choice and they’re choosing God.”

Umm, excuse me Diana, but you forgot to remind the godless freaks about their other choice to kill their wretched gay selves.

Which, judging by the sound of it, should be music to Ms. Medley’s ears.

1360564477_tmp_DianaMedleyPurpose.jpegSmirk If You Hate Gay People!

[image via NBC 2]

Are You On The NRA's Hit List? If You're A Human With A Conscience, The Answer Is Yes

Are you a Jew, woman, college graduate, lawyer, Latino, young person, black person, nurse, police officer, Episcopalian, celebrity or anyone else who doesn’t feel a burning urge to pump hundreds of hollow-point rounds into small, defenseless animals and/or innocent schoolchildren?

Well then, WATCH OUT because the National Rifle Association is locked, loaded, and aiming ready to TAKE YOU OUT (of the political process, of course).

As much as they’d looove to shoot you (with video games, I presume), they simply cannot commit murder, since they only have guns, and everyone knows guns don’t kill people.

Good thing because the NRA’s Institute for Legislative Action has gone ahead and published a list of national organizations, corporations, journalists, and super-famous celebrities who have expressed support for “anti-gun policies,” or as the rest of society calls them, “totally sane restrictions on semi automatic death machines designed only to kill, maim, and destroy.”

Among those included in the crosshairs of this admirably (or is it pathologically?) exhaustive NRA hit list are:

American Civil Liberties Union
American Medical Association
American Federation of Teachers
American Bar Association
American Academy of Pediatrics
American Psychological Association
American Jewish Congress
Anti-Defamation League
American Nurses Association
B`nai B`rith
College Democrats of America
National Association of Police Organizations
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Association for the Advancement of Colored People
National Education Association
National Council of La Raza
National Organization for Women
Southern Christian Leadership Conference
Unitarian Universalist Association
United States Catholic Conference
Women`s National Democratic Club
YWCA of the U.S.A.

Interesting to note that the NRA is gunning for the YWCA, but not the YMCA, which naturally has NOTHING to do with sexism. It’s just that they know women can’t do anything without a big, strapping man Manchester rifle by their side.

Don’t worry, because the NRA is so insane that even if you’re a gun-toting, bible-thumping, NOBAMA-hating, gay-baiting, immigrant-bashing, animal-massacring nutjob who measures his manhood by the length of your barrel, chances are you’re still probably an avowed enemy of the National Rifle Association.

And no NRA hit-list would be complete without the obligatory cameos by Hollywood’s biggest, brightest stars, and also their slightly less-dazzling counterparts.  Among the powerful celebrelitists (that you’ve actually maybe heard of) to come under NRA fire:

Maya Angelou – Poet
David Arquette – Actor
Alec Baldwin – Actor
Bob Barker – TV Personality
Drew Barrymore – Actress
Kevin Bacon – Actor
Tony Bennett – Singer
Boys II Men – Pop Group
Jon Bon Jovi – Singer
James Brolin – Actor
Mel Brooks – Actor/Director
Steve Buscemi – Actor
Kim Cattrall- Actress
Stockard Channing – Actress
George Clooney – Actor
Jennifer Connelly – Actress
Kevin Costner – Actor
Sean Connery – Actor
Sheryl Crow – Singer
Billy Crystal- Actor
Matt Damon – Actor
Ellen Degeneres – Actress
Danny DeVito – Actor
Michael Douglas – Actor
Phil Donahue – Talk Show Host
Fran Drescher – Actress
Richard Dreyfus – Actor
David Duchovny – Actor
Missy Elliott – Singer
Gloria Estefan – Singer
Melissa Etheridge – Singer
Mia Farrow – Actress
Sally Field – Actress
Doug Flutie – NFL player
Jane Fonda – Actress
Jodie Foster – Actress
Rick Fox – NBA Player
Art Garfunkel – Singer
Geraldo – TV personality
Richard Gere – Actor
Ethan Hawke – Actor
Dustin Hoffman – Actor
Helen Hunt – Actress
Diane Keaton – Actress
Lenny Kravits – Singer
Lisa Kudrow – Actress
k.d. lang – Singer
Denis Leary – Actor
John Leguizamo – Actor
Spike Lee – Director
Tara Lipinski – Former Olympian
Keyshawn Johnson – NFL player
Rob Lowe – Actor
Kyle MacLachlan – Actor
Madonna – Singer
Mase – Singer
Penny Marshall – Director
John McEnroe – Athlete
Natalie Merchant – Singer
Bette Midler – Singer
Mary Tyler Moore – Actress
Michael Moore – Film Maker
Mike Myers – Actor
N Sync – Music group
Jack Nicholson – Actor
Rosie O`Donnell- Actress/Talk Show Host
Sarah Jessica Parker – Actress
Michelle Pfieffer – Actress
Rob Reiner – Actor/Director
Robert Redford – Actor/Director
Anne Rice – Writer
Julia Roberts – Actress
Tim Robbins – Actor
Renee Russo – Actress
Meg Ryan – Actress
Susan Sarandon – Actress
Jerry Seinfeld – Actor
Martin Sheen – Actor
Russell Simmons – Record Producer
Mira Sorvino – Actress
Britney Spears – Singer
Bruce Springsteen – Singer
Barbra Streisand – Singer
Sylvester Stallone – Actor
Meryl Streep – Actress
Patrick Stewart – Actor
Sharon Stone – Actress
Sting – Singer
Jonathan Taylor Thomas – Actor
The Temptations – Pop Group
Vinny Testaverde – NFL player
Uma Thurman – Actress
Shania Twain – Singer
Dick Van Dyke – Actor
Harvey Weinstein – Producer
Sigourney Weaver – Actress
Henry Winkler – Actor
Oprah Winfrey – Entertainer
Catherine Zeta-Jones – Actress
Ahmet Zappa -Actor
Diva Zappa -Actress
Dweezil Zappa – Musician
Gail Zappa
Moon Zappa -Actress

Whew!! That’s a lot of Zappas opening their trappas! Also, glad to know Rizzo’s finally doing something other than getting knocked up by Kenickie. And go JTT! I always knew Jonathan Taylor Thomas had a bright future beyond full-page spreads in Teen Beat magazine.

But as exhaustive (and psychotic) as the NRA’s hit list may be, there’s always room for more enemies of assault rifles in the hands of lunatics!

Perhaps the they should consider adding these unlikely gun rights’ opponents to their death-by-firing-squad decree:

  • NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre —LaGun Nut extraordinaire. The very public, very stupid face of the NRA’s current pro gun, anti-reason platform. But why an enemy you ask? Because every time Wayne LaPierre opens up his LaPiehole, support for gun control laws goes up five points.
  • Facts and Figures–If only it were true that guns in the home prevent more violence than they cause, maybe there would be less dead loved ones and more bullet-ridden criminals who’ll think twice before breaking and entering your home again.
  • Dead Children/Innocent Victims–Maybe, just maybe if all those innocent kids and defenseless victims stopped getting in the way of automatic assault weapons, their tiny, bullet-ridden bodies would stop violating the sacred 2nd Amendment rights of America’s patriotic defenders of liberty.
  • Women’s Vaginas–If Republican legislators were as concerned with regulating firearms as they are with regulating vaginas, the senseless killing of human life would still matter once it comes out of the womb. Until then, loosy goosy should only apply to dangerous, powerful things like female ladyparts, not wholesome, harmless ones like machine guns with high capacity magazines.

[image via Wonkette]

What Would Gun Nuts Do? Heckle The Mourning Father Of Slain Six-Year-Old Newtown Boy For Having A Heart (And Brain)

When is the right time to stand up for something you believe in? Is it after your 6-year-old child is shot dead in his classroom, along with 25 other people (mostly children) by some lunatic with an assault rifle and endless rounds of ammo? Is it during a Connecticut legislative hearing on stricter gun control so that maybe, just maybe this type of unspeakable horror doesn’t happen at your kid’s elementary school too?

Puh-lease! What you people got lead in your brains or something?

It is NEVER the right time to talk about guns, unless of course it is to stroke the cool, smooth hard-bodied exterior of America’s sexiest problem solver: the Bushmaster assault rifle.

Just ask Neil Heslin, whose six-year-old son was murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School, what happens when you try to pry automatic machine guns from American’s jittery, frightened, still-trigger-warm hands.

“The Second Amendment!” was shouted a couple of times by as many as a dozen gun enthusiasts in the meeting room as Neil Heslin, holding a photo of his slain 6-year-old son, Jesse Lewis, asked why Bushmaster assault-style weapons are allowed to be sold in the state.

Woohoo! Way to stick it to him, guys with loud, shrieking voices who know how to yell at grieving fathers whose dead kid got shot a half-dozen times by an assault rifle while talking about said kid getting shot a half-dozen times by an assault rifle.

The nerve!

“There are a lot of things that should be changed to prevent what happened,” Heslin told lawmakers in a heartbreaking testimony.

“I’m here to tell you…Changes have to be made,” said Heslin, who said he grew up using guns and was undisturbed by the interruption of his testimony. “I’ll tell you a little bit about Jesse. He was a boy that loved life, lived it to the fullest. His mother and I are separated. He spent equal time with both of us. He was my son, he my buddy, he was my best friend, and I never thought I would be here speaking like this, asking for changes on my son’s behalf.”

Funny what happens after your child is slain in a gun massacre.

“That wasn’t just a killing, it was a massacre,” said Heslin, who recalled dropping off his son at Sandy Hook Elementary school shortly before Lanza opened fire.

“And I never thought I would be laying him to rest. The happiest day of my life was the day he was born. He is my only son, my only family. The worst day of my life was the day when this happened.”

“I just hope some good can come out of this.”

Good? That’s for pussies. Guns? Now that’s for real men!

“We’re all entitled to our own opinions and I respect their opinions and their thoughts,” Heslin said. “But I wish they’d respect mine and give it a little bit of thought.”

Thought?? There’s no time for thought when you’re unloading 600–800 high impact rpm (rounds per minute).

Remember people, here in ‘merica, we shoot first, yell crude insults at a man whose first-grader was killed a month ago later.

That way, we can protect the real victims in all of this. Our most precious commodity, one which we’d give our life and liberty to protect and defend.

No, no, not our sons, silly. Our guns!

[image via Rawstory]

Beat It Boehner! Michelle Obama's Eyes Have No Time For Idiot Orange Men Or Their Drunken Jokes

Umm, Why Is Boehner’s Wife Snatching & Stuffing Swag Into Her Purse?

If looks could kill John Boehner would be deader than his poor, booze-soaked liver.

But what in the Inaugural Ball prompted America’s always-lovely-and-poised First Lady Michelle Obama to roll her big, sexy eyes at ol’ House Speaker John Boehner like some petulant teenager not named Sasha or Malia?

Perhaps the world’s most famous Oompa Loompa whipped out one of his signature inappropriate, patently unfunny, borderline offensive, probably disgusting jokes only to have Michelle’s deadly death stare strike it down faster than a drone in the Middle East?

Off-color? No, that’s just his face.

Ain’t no Boehns about it!

[image via Mattyrab]

NRA President David Keene Would Feel Much Safer If President Obama Would Shoot Off His Guns Instead Of His Mouth

David Keene, the unhinged leader of the National Rifle Association not named Wayne LaPierre, knows that guns don’t kill people, meany black presidents kill people.

Just listen to all the carnage President King Obama nearly caused Keene and his family by letting his loose lips, instead of high capacity clips, shoot wildly all over place.

Via Think Progress:

On a right-wing talk show on Thursday, David Keene, the president of the National Rifle Association, blamed President Obama and the left for what he says have been hundreds of death threats made against him and his family.

What this reflects are two things. One is the uncivil way in which idealogues on the left in this country go after their enemies. The second thing it shows is the reflection of the left and the President of the United States’ attempt to demonize and blame those who disagree with them for everything that he doesn’t like.

Well, what else can you expect from a secret Muslim Terrorist Socialist HITLER from Kenya??

But please, David Keene, by all means elaborate on this NOBAMA feller’s evil plot to massacre your family by enacting four perfectly sane, reasonable proposals to prevent crazed madmen (like yourself) from murdering Kindergartners with enough Rambo-sized firepower to make Sylvester Stallone cower in fear.

Obama, in an emotional White House ceremony, outlined four major legislative proposals aimed at curbing what he called “the epidemic of gun violence in this country”: universal background checks for all gun buyers, a crackdown on gun trafficking, a ban on military-style assault weapons and a ban on ammunition magazines holding more than 10 bullets.

I, for one, do not want to live in a world where crazy people and violent criminals cannot easily access military style assault weapons that mow down scores of people in the blink of an eye. Because the only thing worse than actual death by guns is fake death threats by internet, amiright?

But don’t worry America because David Keene is not done there!

Keene also appeared on NBC’s Today Show on Thursday, where he told host Savannah Guthrie that an NRA video advertisement which accused Obama of being an “elitist hypocrite” for opposing guns in schools while allowing his own children to be protected by Secret Service “wasn’t about the president’s daughters.”

“We believe that every parent ought to be able to be comfortable, knowing that their children are safe, and if that requires armed security, it’s as good for the working man as it is for the president.”

And who would know more about concerned parents keeping their children safe than the proud, loving father of a tried-and-convicted road rage shooter?

NRA President David Keene’s son, David Michael Keene, was convicted and sentenced to 10 years in prison for a 2002 road-rage incident in which he fired a handgun from his moving vehicle at another car on the George Washington Memorial Parkway in Virginia. The round fired shattered the rear window of the victim’s car, lodging into the driver’s seat, coming within inches of hitting him, according to police reports.

Oh, now I remember! Guns don’t kill people, sons of NRA presidents do.

[image via TPM]

Welcome To Glennbeckistan: Once You Go Beck You Never Go Back!

Insane person and human tear factory Glenn Beck took time from scribbling conspiracy theories on chalk boards to introduce America to his latest, greatest, delusional attempt to bilk hardworking people out of millions of dollars create a libertarian community of crazies, the Ayn Rand-inspired utopia of guns and personal responsibility known as Glennbeckistan!

On his program last night, Beck revealed that his intention to “go Galt” is quite literal, unveiling grandiose plans to create an entirely self-sustaining community called Independence Park that will provide its own food and energy, produce television and film content, host research and development, serve as a marketplace for products and ideas, while also housing a theme park and serving as a residential community.

Ooooh, so it’s like a Disney World for Doomsday Preppers?

While Independence is very much a dream at this point, the proposed city-theme park hybrid would bring several of Glenn’s seemingly disconnected projects into one place. Media, live events, small business stores, educational projects, charity, entertainment, news, information, and technology R&D – all of these things would have a home in Independence. With the rest of the country and the world going away from the values of freedom, responsibility and truth, Independence would be a place built on the very foundation of those principles. A retreat from the world where entrepreneurs, artists, and creators could come to put their ideas to work. A place for families to bring their children to be inspired.

I can almost picture it now! A utopian paradise where every man, woman, and child is inspired by the genius of a mentally unstable former Fox News host/drug addict, free from big bad gubmint oppression in the form of laws, safety regulations, paved roads, public schools, fire departments, and traffic lights.

Just livin’ the dream, y’all!

The ambitious project, projected to cost over two billion dollars, has been heavily influenced by Walt Disney…

And not just cause he hates Jews too!

Glenn believes that he can bring the heart and the spirit of Walt’s early Disneyland ideas into reality. Independence, USA wouldn’t be about rides and merchandise, but would be about community and freedom. The Marketplace would be a place where craftsmen and artisan could open and run real small businesses and stores. The owners and tradesmen could hold apprenticeships and teach young people the skills and entrepreneurial spirit that has been lost in today’s entitlement state.

Sort of like a job fair, if it were held in a medieval castle surrounded by a crocodile-filled moat to ward off bubonic plague-stricken invaders. Glenn’s bringing Feudal back!

There would also be an Media Center, where Glenn’s production company would film television, movies, documentaries, and more. Glenn hoped to include scripted television that would challenge viewers without resorting to a loss of human decency. He also said it would be a place where aspiring journalists would learn how to be great reporters.

How cute. Like his  own little Fox News!

Across the lake, there would be a church modeled after The Alamo which would act as a multi-denominational mission center.

Now everyone can worship Christ the way HE intended: in a mega church based on a bloody battle from the mid 18oos.

The town will also have a working ranch where visitors can learn how to farm and work the land.

How to farm and work the land!?!? OMG, SOCIALISM!

Independence would also be home to a Research and Development center where people would come to learn, innovate, educate, and create. There would be a theme park for people to recharge and have fun with their families.

Maybe even try the new dinosaur ride through Noah’s Ark!

People would also have the option to live in Independence, with a residential area where people of different incomes could all come together and be neighbors.

Except for gays, blacks, Mexicans, and anyone whose income isn’t secretly funneled into Super PACs or offshore tax-havens in the Cayman Islands.  Oh, and like always, fetuses welcome!

So if you’re looking for something a little more exciting than a trip to Disney, book your one-way ticket to Independence and make your vacation from reality permanent!

How Randy! Rand Paul's Drunk Teenage Son Arrested For Loving Freedom (And Airplane-Size Bottles Of Bourbon)

Guess what, America? While you were wasting your weekend drinking overpriced, oddly-named craft beer in actual eating establishments, 19-year-old fellow oddly-named son of Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and grandson of Libertarian Jesus Ron Paul, “William Hilton Paul” wasted no time ingratiating himself into our hearts by getting wasted–and arrested–aboard a U.S. Airways flight from Kentucky to Charlotte.

Looks like someone has what it takes to be the next rising young political star from Kentucky! Your daddy would be so proud!

When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and being intoxicated and disruptive.

10:49 a.m.? A real go-getter that William “Hilton” Paul! If only they had named him “La Quinta” or even “Ramada” instead…

William Hilton Paul, the 19-year-old son of Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and grandson of former Texas congressman Ron Paul, was taken into police custody yesterday at North Carolina’s Charlotte Douglas International Airport for public intoxication following a Saturday morning flight from Kentucky.

It was unclear whether Paul had been served alcohol on the flight, but Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department rep Lt. Blake Hollar said that possibility was being investigated.

Paul identified himself as the son of a US senator, but was arrested anyway. He was booked into Mecklenburg County Jail on charges of underage consumption, disorderly conduct, and being intoxicated and disruptive.

All three are misdemeanors.

Misdemeanors, eh?? Perfect! He always seemed much more like a William “Red Roof(ie) Inn” Paul, anyway.

Sen. Rand Paul’s office released a statement calling the issue a private family matter, and asked everyone to give him the courtesy and respect he’s never shown them.

“Sen. Paul is a national public figure and subject to scrutiny in the public arena, however, as many parents with teenagers would understand, his family should be afforded the privacy and respect they deserve in a situation such as this,” said Moira Bagley, Paul’s communications director.

Like, say, if their privileged, drunken, asshole teenaged son ever decides to Go Galt (against the tyranny of Federal Aviation and public intoxication laws) 20,000 ft. above ground.

Guess you could say the apPaul doesn’t fall far from the penitenTREE.

[image via Charlotte Observer]

Tea Party Leaders Know The Sandy Hook School Massacre Wasn't Caused By Machine Guns Or Mental Illness, But By The Deadly Combo Of Premarital Sex & Sagging Pants

The Times They Aren’t A Changin’: A Gun-Control Ad From 1981

In the wake of the unspeakable tragedy of the Sandy Hook shootings, people have been clamoring for answers about why it happened. Logical ones, or at least those with functional brains, have come to the conclusion that it probably had something to do with guns and mental health, considering the perpetrator was a  borderline Autistic, deeply troubled 20-year-old with a history of behavioral problems and scarily easy access to enough assault rifles and ammo for combat duty in Iraq.

Of course, there are those who don’t want to believe that 27 innocent dead people, including 20 CHILDREN GUNNED DOWN IN THEIR CLASSROOM has anything to do with guns or mental health, despite the evidence, and instead have provided all sorts of *reasons (*devoid of actual reason) as to what may have really caused last Friday’s bloody elementary school massacre.

Good thing their “reasons” are so obvious they don’t require even a shred of compelling evidence. Which is fortunate because they do not have any.

Tell us, Tea Party Nation guy lunatic Timothy Birdnow, what steps should we take, to stay alive and free of hollow-tipped bullet holes?

Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer, too.

Duh! It doesn’t take a genius to know that guns are not the problem, leaving the house is the problem. That’s where they shoot people and do socialist things like stand in line and take turns. Just look how well that worked out for Adam Lanza. Err, wait.

Back Right to Work legislation for the public sector. Teacher’s unions have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.

Yes, as long as union workers can demand fair wages and compensation for getting their fingers chopped off in a meat grinder, we will never see the end of troubled kids in a violent, gun-riddled society acting out in violent, gun-riddled ways.

Engage in more frank discussion of race and culture. For far too long we have tiptoed around these issues, fearful of being branded a racist. If black thugs kidnap and rape a woman, ask if there is something in the black culture that fostered that. If an evil white kid murders a bunch of children at the school, ask the same question of the white community. What was it that spawned this behavior? What was this kid taught? We have to stop hiding from our respective national sins.

“If black thugs kidnap and rape a woman, ask if there is something in the black culture that fostered that?” YES, black bad! “If an evil white kid murders a bunch of children at the school, ask the same question of the white community.” Trick question, white people are never evil!

So stop hiding from our respective national sins, unless it happens to be slavery or any other oppression of minorities by the white man, in which case sweep it under the rug, call it the “War of Northern Aggression” or something ridiculous like that, and no one will ever be the wiser.

Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating any bad behavior.

Because if there is anything this world needs it is more anger and less tolerance. Also, mor gunz! And when you call evil out, always remember to use a stern voice. Evil senses weakness.

Clearly the problem isn’t guns, it’s “bad behavior.”

If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens. Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind.

Of course! The best way to prevent mass shootings is to TELL BRATS TO PULL UP THEIR PANTS because if we stop putting up with bad behavior like sagging pants, people will magically stop murdering each other with magic murder machines called guns.

Oh, and a word to the wise, before you say something to the “idiot blaring his car stereo,” you may want to put on a Kevlar vest and combat helmet, because you know, “kids these days.”

Another reason 20 little kids are dead in a tragic wave of senseless violence? Liberals, who else!?

The idea of restoring standards of right and wrong never occur to anyone on the Left. Last night on television a reporter referred to the shooter’s “damaged mind and broken soul” as if he were somehow a VICTIM! In the old days we would not call this anything but a heinous crime, a horrible mass murder of innocent children.

Yes, long gone are the halcyon days when instead of understanding mental illness, we just electrocuted them. Doesn’t tradition mean anything to you people?

Let’s see, what else?

Work to devolve power back to the parents, the local officials, and the communities. A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to alienation of the sort we have seen here… As an FBI profiler said on television last night, he undoubtedly felt powerless and sought to remedy that. Why does a twenty year old feel powerless? He could leave his mother’s home at any time at his age. He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location.

Wait, so the guy shot up a school because of a centralized government?? Makes sense.

He has been coddled all his life, given free rein to indulge his senses but not to face the responsibilities that freedom necessitates. He was an eternal juvenile, a child who was not allowed to grow up. He lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality.

It’s all progressives fault! If they weren’t so busy making him feel helpless with all their hullabaloo about equality, justice, and the merits of arugula over romaine, he would have gladly laid down his arsenal of semi automatic weapons and started singing Kumbaya about states’ rights and the sanctity of traditional marriage.

Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet. There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

Yes, you heard that correctly. “Overstimulated glands” causes shootings. NOT GUNS OR MENTAL HEALTH, MIND YOU!

[I]t has traditionally been understood that a sexually robust individual will fight harder and more aggressively… Even if they were to live promiscuously (a very bad thing for society) they still cannot find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic volume.

Blame the sluts! It’s all their fault those kids are dead and probably that the Titanic sank too, amiright?

The only answer is to follow the other societal coping mechanism, which is to tone down the sexual stimulation, encourage chastity and modesty…Parents, monitor what your children watch, what they look at on the internet. Make sure they dress modestly.

In other words, no hooded sweatshirts! Which brings him to his next point…

Support the creation of local organizations to act as “neighborhood watch” for schools. Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.

Not if those awful union thugs have anything to say about it! School shootings happen because there are not random armed civilians at the door. And the only people against this would be unions, because they are evil, godless people with blood (and fair wages) on their hands.

Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer. It’s time the Ten Commandments were taught again. It’s time the Bible was taught. It’s time people learned the examples of the heroes of our Judeo-Christian heritage…Most of all they should learn of Jesus, who refused to turn from the Truth and allowed himself to be sacrificed in the most painful manner possible for other people’s sins.

Thanks a lot union sluts!

So there you have it, folks! Random, senseless acts of unspeakable horror will continue to plague this country unabated until we do something, anything about the creeping menace to our society.

No, not guns silly! The real threat. Gays, godless libs, and giving health care to sick kids.

That way, instead of prohibitively priced chemotherapy, kids can die the the proper American way: by getting shot numerous times with an assault rifle in their Kindergarten or First grade class.

Just like Jesus intended.