Rush Limbaugh Has Heart Attack, But Real Question is What the Hell’s He Doing in Hawaii?

Can’t Say We Didn’t See This One Coming

In a shock to no one, fat sack of pill-popping, hate spewing sh*t, Rush Limbaugh was rushed (ha ha rushed) to a hospital after suffering chest pains in what will likely NOT be the last, dying gasps of an evil and overworked heart.

“Rush was admitted to and is […]

Delta: You’ll Love the Way We Fly…and Thwart Terrorists

Busy year for Delta. They buy Northwest airlines and then almost get blown to bits, Richard Reid style, by some crazed Nigerian trying his very bestest to impress the Al Qaeda recruiters he’s just positive have been checking out his mad terror skills.

Fortunately for everyone aboard Northwest flight 253 en route from Amsterdam to Detroit, […]

Democrats Yay, Republicans Nay On Merry Christmas Eve Day!

In the wee hours of morning, the Senate, err rather, the socialist Democratic Senate passed on a 60-39 party line vote a sweeping health care bill that will tighten insurance regulations, provide coverage for 31 million more Americans and cost $871 billion over the next decade.

“This is for my friend Ted Kennedy, aye,” said Sen. […]

Livin’ On a Prayer: Please God Let Robert Byrd Die So We Can Bury Health Care With Him

Remember Sen Tom Coburn’s (R-OK) uplifting holiday message instructing everyone to pray for some dumb Democrat (that old bag Robert Byrd should do) to drop dead, or at the very least, get mangled in some freak accident so as to miss the early morning procedural vote on health care, thereby leaving the Democrats one vote […]

Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems: The Life of Big Pimpin’ RNC Chairman Michael Steele

Oh shit yo! A certain off-the-hook chairman of the equally hip Grand Old Party of old white men and former slave-owners is taking some heat for some questionable activities involving his lucrative side-venture moonlighting as a paid speaker while still charged with the very important task of continuously embarrassing his party as the super-savvy chairman […]

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies (Quick Before ObamaCare Ruins America!)

“What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can’t make the vote tonight.”

–Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK), on the cloture vote for the health care reform bill

As the United States stands on the brink of a staggering legislative victory the likes of which no president has achieved in decades, Republicans across the land are […]

Divine Intervention (and Plenty of Pork) Keeps Health Care Reform From Being FiliBUSTED!

Are you there God? It’s me, Harry

Please God, let Joe Lieberman be struck down by some terribly contagious rash that then makes its way into the brain of that insufferable pro-life fetus whore Ben Nelson so we can finally look like a legislative body capable of getting something accomplished other than giving Glenn […]

Sarah Palin Now Forced to Quit Vacation For Being Too Famous

Life is hard when you’re the world’s most famous Alaskan!

You can’t do ANYTHING without like a million paparazzi buzzing about, stalking your every move while you and your nice family enjoy an exotic getaway to Barack Obama’s alleged birthplace Hawaii after a grueling few months driving around the country in a giant homage to yourself […]

Megan McCain Stumped By Clogged Drain; Where’s That "Dumbass" Plumber Joe Now?

While the Senate dithers on about health care and Joe Lieberman does his best to make the entire Democratic caucus go into immediate cardiac arrest, the real action was unfolding in Meghan McCain’s luxurious, handcrafted marble and porcelain tub. Or more precisely, deep in her fine, sterling silver drain.

Somehow, strands of Meggy’s flowing blond locks […]

Polygamy’s One Thing, But Jason Chaffetz Won’t Stand by While the Gays Turn DC Into the New San Fran

Straight(?) From the Land of Fruit and Nuts

As predicted in yesterday’s post how, as a result of DC becoming all gay-marriagey, at least one crazy congressman or another will make a furious effort to thwart this wicked gay agenda in an attempt to score some brownie points with the enlightened folks who hold the key […]