Tea Party Leaders Know The Sandy Hook School Massacre Wasn't Caused By Machine Guns Or Mental Illness, But By The Deadly Combo Of Premarital Sex & Sagging Pants

The Times They Aren’t A Changin’: A Gun-Control Ad From 1981

In the wake of the unspeakable tragedy of the Sandy Hook shootings, people have been clamoring for answers about why it happened. Logical ones, or at least those with functional brains, have come to the conclusion that it probably had something to do with guns and mental health, considering the perpetrator was a  borderline Autistic, deeply troubled 20-year-old with a history of behavioral problems and scarily easy access to enough assault rifles and ammo for combat duty in Iraq.

Of course, there are those who don’t want to believe that 27 innocent dead people, including 20 CHILDREN GUNNED DOWN IN THEIR CLASSROOM has anything to do with guns or mental health, despite the evidence, and instead have provided all sorts of *reasons (*devoid of actual reason) as to what may have really caused last Friday’s bloody elementary school massacre.

Good thing their “reasons” are so obvious they don’t require even a shred of compelling evidence. Which is fortunate because they do not have any.

Tell us, Tea Party Nation guy lunatic Timothy Birdnow, what steps should we take, to stay alive and free of hollow-tipped bullet holes?

Homeschool. Take away the power of the radicals in the classrooms. Makes your kids safer, too.

Duh! It doesn’t take a genius to know that guns are not the problem, leaving the house is the problem. That’s where they shoot people and do socialist things like stand in line and take turns. Just look how well that worked out for Adam Lanza. Err, wait.

Back Right to Work legislation for the public sector. Teacher’s unions have helped cement much of this in place. As long as we have group think in the classrooms we will never see the end of this.

Yes, as long as union workers can demand fair wages and compensation for getting their fingers chopped off in a meat grinder, we will never see the end of troubled kids in a violent, gun-riddled society acting out in violent, gun-riddled ways.

Engage in more frank discussion of race and culture. For far too long we have tiptoed around these issues, fearful of being branded a racist. If black thugs kidnap and rape a woman, ask if there is something in the black culture that fostered that. If an evil white kid murders a bunch of children at the school, ask the same question of the white community. What was it that spawned this behavior? What was this kid taught? We have to stop hiding from our respective national sins.

“If black thugs kidnap and rape a woman, ask if there is something in the black culture that fostered that?” YES, black bad! “If an evil white kid murders a bunch of children at the school, ask the same question of the white community.” Trick question, white people are never evil!

So stop hiding from our respective national sins, unless it happens to be slavery or any other oppression of minorities by the white man, in which case sweep it under the rug, call it the “War of Northern Aggression” or something ridiculous like that, and no one will ever be the wiser.

Call evil out. We have to stop being sorry and start being angry. This is not a time for national grief so much as a time for national anger. We should stop tolerating this sort of thing. Indeed, stop tolerating any bad behavior.

Because if there is anything this world needs it is more anger and less tolerance. Also, mor gunz! And when you call evil out, always remember to use a stern voice. Evil senses weakness.

Clearly the problem isn’t guns, it’s “bad behavior.”

If you see kids jumping ahead in line, say, call them out. If you see punks bothering their neighbors call them out. Say something to the idiot blaring his car stereo. Say something to the foul-mouthed teens. Tell the brats to pull up their pants; nobody wants to see their filthy underwear and pimply behind.

Of course! The best way to prevent mass shootings is to TELL BRATS TO PULL UP THEIR PANTS because if we stop putting up with bad behavior like sagging pants, people will magically stop murdering each other with magic murder machines called guns.

Oh, and a word to the wise, before you say something to the “idiot blaring his car stereo,” you may want to put on a Kevlar vest and combat helmet, because you know, “kids these days.”

Another reason 20 little kids are dead in a tragic wave of senseless violence? Liberals, who else!?

The idea of restoring standards of right and wrong never occur to anyone on the Left. Last night on television a reporter referred to the shooter’s “damaged mind and broken soul” as if he were somehow a VICTIM! In the old days we would not call this anything but a heinous crime, a horrible mass murder of innocent children.

Yes, long gone are the halcyon days when instead of understanding mental illness, we just electrocuted them. Doesn’t tradition mean anything to you people?

Let’s see, what else?

Work to devolve power back to the parents, the local officials, and the communities. A society that is top-down will inevitably lead to alienation of the sort we have seen here… As an FBI profiler said on television last night, he undoubtedly felt powerless and sought to remedy that. Why does a twenty year old feel powerless? He could leave his mother’s home at any time at his age. He feels powerless because he has lived in an over-bureaucratized society, one run ultimately from a far-away central location.

Wait, so the guy shot up a school because of a centralized government?? Makes sense.

He has been coddled all his life, given free rein to indulge his senses but not to face the responsibilities that freedom necessitates. He was an eternal juvenile, a child who was not allowed to grow up. He lived in a world of the Progressives making, not in reality.

It’s all progressives fault! If they weren’t so busy making him feel helpless with all their hullabaloo about equality, justice, and the merits of arugula over romaine, he would have gladly laid down his arsenal of semi automatic weapons and started singing Kumbaya about states’ rights and the sanctity of traditional marriage.

Restrict the sex in movies, television, on the internet. There is a reason why young people commit these sorts of crimes, and sex plays no small part. Their passions are eternally inflamed, and they wander the Earth with no outlet for their overstimulated glands.

Yes, you heard that correctly. “Overstimulated glands” causes shootings. NOT GUNS OR MENTAL HEALTH, MIND YOU!

[I]t has traditionally been understood that a sexually robust individual will fight harder and more aggressively… Even if they were to live promiscuously (a very bad thing for society) they still cannot find adequate outlets for their passions, which have grown to titanic volume.

Blame the sluts! It’s all their fault those kids are dead and probably that the Titanic sank too, amiright?

The only answer is to follow the other societal coping mechanism, which is to tone down the sexual stimulation, encourage chastity and modesty…Parents, monitor what your children watch, what they look at on the internet. Make sure they dress modestly.

In other words, no hooded sweatshirts! Which brings him to his next point…

Support the creation of local organizations to act as “neighborhood watch” for schools. Had George Zimmerman been at the front door instead of some mechanical card reader those children would still be alive.

Not if those awful union thugs have anything to say about it! School shootings happen because there are not random armed civilians at the door. And the only people against this would be unions, because they are evil, godless people with blood (and fair wages) on their hands.

Go back to church. We need God more than ever, need prayer. It’s time the Ten Commandments were taught again. It’s time the Bible was taught. It’s time people learned the examples of the heroes of our Judeo-Christian heritage…Most of all they should learn of Jesus, who refused to turn from the Truth and allowed himself to be sacrificed in the most painful manner possible for other people’s sins.

Thanks a lot union sluts!

So there you have it, folks! Random, senseless acts of unspeakable horror will continue to plague this country unabated until we do something, anything about the creeping menace to our society.

No, not guns silly! The real threat. Gays, godless libs, and giving health care to sick kids.

That way, instead of prohibitively priced chemotherapy, kids can die the the proper American way: by getting shot numerous times with an assault rifle in their Kindergarten or First grade class.

Just like Jesus intended.

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