The Grand Old Party of Grandfatherly Old White Men hasn’t been doing so hot with the under 65, non-racist, non-legitimate rape-and-fetus-obsessed crowd, probably because they’re usually too busy condemning them to hell instead.
Good thing, there is one young, strapping, hip-hop lovin’ Cuban man ready to rise from the Mitt Romney-tinged ashes of the Republican Party to ignore scientific fact and deny basic human rights like Jesus intended.
Marco Rubio may not be a scientist, hell, he may not even believe in science, but he sure knows the only way to deal with Mitt Romney’s giant white-dude loss is by Livin’ La Vida Loca.
GQ: How old do you think the Earth is?
Marco Rubio: I’m not a scientist, man. I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that’s a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow. I’m not a scientist. I don’t think I’m qualified to answer a question like that. At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all. I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says. Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to answer that. It’s one of the great mysteries.
Kind of like Marco Rubio’s political career.
Up next, rain. Atmospheric moisture or God’s endorsement of trickle down economics?
It’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma. Or as Marco Rubio calls it, science. **Shudder**
But don’t feel bad. Understanding these things takes time. After all, 4.54 billion years flies by when you’re having fun being dumb.
[image via AP]