Disgruntled Conservatives Use Poor, Misguided Masses To Protest Taxes And Black Presidents

Republicans are in a pickle. On the one hand, they don’t want to seem like some Obama-loving liberal too pussy to attend one of the hundreds of anti-tax “tea parties” taking place across the country, but on the other, they don’t necessarily want to be associated with some fringe movement by a bunch of right-wing nut jobs.

Of course this isn’t a problem for national embarrassments like 2012 presidential hopefuls South Carolina governor and welfare queen Mark Sanford and Louisiana governor Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, whose places in the political douchebag hall of fame were secured long before they started teabagging.

For those Republicans with an actual brain, like former presidential contender Mitt Romney, the decision to stay away from these tea-themed KKK rallies was not a difficult one, even if it means incurring the wrath of chubby freedom-lovers like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, whose fearless efforts helped make these tax-day protests such a stunning success.

Luckily, the brilliant folks over at FreedomWorks, the conservative group that organized the tea parties, anticipated some godless liberals and other media elites might try to ruin their noble march against Obama and the Democrats.

Which is why they sent out a flyer containing important tips on how to avoid being embarrassed by citizen journalists and other progressive menaces who might crash the tea parties and “ask leading questions about immigration, President Obama, etc., to bait you into making comments they can paint as racist and show that you’re uneducated and ignorant.”

The memo also warns would be-victims that “teabagging” has strong sexual connotations and instructs protesters to be wary of anyone with a camera asking you if you are a “teabagger” or if you enjoy “teabagging.” They are trying to make a fool of you!

Which should be very difficult to do with a bunch of insane, doomsday wackos running around dressed like Benjamin Franklin, carrying Obama=Hitler signs and chucking teabags at the White House.