Fox News’ Surgeon General Warning: No Chubbies Allowed!

Everyone knows Fox News is a beacon of light and truth, held to the
highest standards of journalistic excellence. Which is why it is up to the most “fair and balanced” news station around to cut through the bull and give the American people the real story, no matter the cost.

In what is no doubt another Pulitzer-Prize worthy report, Fox News’ Neil Cavuto hosts a not-at-all awkward segment on whether Obama’s new surgeon general nominee, Dr. Regina M. Benjamin, is just too damn fat for the job.

To support this airtight argument, Fox welcomed some bald meathead named Michael Karolchyk wearing a “No Chubbies” T-shirt. Classy.

The esteemed guest then proceeded to rip apart Obama’s pick for surgeon general on the basis of her being an Orca whale who’s too lazy, gluttonous, and all around blubbery to ever be the nation’s top doc. The lady can’t even control her own metabolism, how the hell is she gonna teach America not to stuff fried chicken in its mouth all day?

Fox’s resident health expert doesn’t care if Regina Benjamin is a MacArthur Grant genius who championed the poor at a medical clinic she set up in Katrina-ravaged Alabama. The bottom line is her cheeks are just too chubby, her waistline too thick, and most importantly, she just doesn’t look hot enough in a pair of skinny jeans to ever make health care and policy decisions for the country.

“Just cause you eat a lot of dinner rolls, doesn’t make you a role model.”

Damn right! And who would know better than Michael “No Chubbies” Karolchyk? After all, he is the founder of the Anti-Gym, a fitness club whose great contribution to society is getting clients in shape for sex with the lights on. How many of Dr. Benjamin’s Katrina refugee patients can say that?

A health expert with washboard abs who’s also a good Samaritan? Why, it’s just what the doctor ordered! Even if he isn’t one.

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