Insane person and Slick Rick Santorum is once again all hot ‘n bothered, but this time it isn’t even because of hoity-toity elitist college educations, horny teenagers grinding their privates against one another like sweaty savages, the legally sanctioned Holocaust of the unborn, or secret Muslim terrorist presidents who don’t believe America is locked in a WWE-style battle to the death with Satan or women’s ladyparts.
No, no, this time Rick Santorum is whining and bitching and moaning (*not in a sexual way) about something really terrifying: that one allegedly Catholic president John F. Kennedy’s famous, 52-year old speech in which he says the unthinkable, “I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute.”
ABSOLUTELY revolting! So gut wrenchingly horrifying, in fact, that it makes weirdo Rick want to vomit all over your face!
Here’s part of Kennedy’s remarks, specifically the part that forces His Holiness Rick Santorum to excommunicate JFK to every layer of hell, while simultaneously retching his toxic bile on the good people of America:
I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute, where no Catholic prelate would tell the president (should he be Catholic) how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference; and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the president who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.
I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials; and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.
Ah yes, profoundly reasonable remarks, indeed the very tenet this fine country was founded upon…which Rick Santorum hears and promptly proceeds to go baaaaaarrrrrrffffffff and spew nasty high-projectile Santorum from his wide gaping mouth:
To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes you throw up. What kind of country do we live that says only people of non-faith can come into the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up and it should make every American…
Shut up, then grow up, and when I look at you I throw up, and then your mom goes around the corner and licks it up??
Now we’re going to turn around and say we’re going to impose our values from the government on people of faith, which of course is the next logical step when people of faith, at least according to John Kennedy, have no role in the public square.
Wait, what?? I always thought the next logical step was to get gay married and give Socialist fist bumps all around when people of faith froth like Rick Santorum, at least according to the American voters, have no role in the public square.
It goes without saying that Rick has no role in the private square either, but we’re trying to keep our vomiting to a minimum, like say, the number of orgasms Rick’s had in his lifetime.
After all, intolerance and freedom go together just like Santorum and vomit. A match made in Judeo-Christian heaven!
Fuck Berlin, this is Santorum’s world. “Ich bin ein Bulimic!”
[image via Wonkette]