Sounds Fishy: Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann Nearly Eaten By Lesbians In 2005

Now that Michele Bachmann has officially tossed her hat into the presidential ring as the latest, greatest Republican to humiliate themselves on national teevee, make Mitt Romney look electable, get crushed by Obama in the general elections, America can rest easy knowing that the good Lord Jesus Christ will guide His chosen candidate, everyone’s favorite Minnesota hellwoman Michele Bachmann, to certain victory.

He’s done it before! C’mon, how the hell else do you think some certifiably crazy lady from the middle of frozen nowhere could actually get elected to anything, except maybe the local psych ward, let alone the freakin’ U.S. Congress, without a little help from above?

Of course, it doesn’t hurt that among Michele Bachmann’s many special talents is the uncanny ability to transform innocent Q&A sessions with constituents into her own personal traumatizing 9/11 terrorist attack.

Like back in 2005, when Bachmann was running for state senate and met with voters to discuss various issues, including her staunch opposition to gross gays doing gross things like getting gross gay married. After the talk, a lesbian couple who happened to be attendance “wanted to discuss certain issues further” (as many constituents do), which in Michele Bachmann’s deranged mind sounded more like “attack of the killer lesbian zombie robot from outer space.” So Michy did what every politician does when a voter asks a simple question, and ran for her life, shrieking at the top of her lungs.

The Daily Beast reports:

A few dozen people showed up at the town hall for the April 9 event, and Bachmann greeted them warmly. But when, during the question and answer session, the topic turned to gay marriage, Bachmann ended the meeting 20 minutes early and rushed to the bathroom. Hoping to speak to her, [Pamela] Arnold and another middle-aged woman, a former nun, followed her.

As Bachmann washed her hands and Arnold looked on, the ex-nun tried to talk to her about theology. Suddenly, after less than a minute, Bachmann let out a shriek. “Help!” she screamed. “Help! I’m being held against my will!”

Pamela Arnold, who is just over 5 feet tall, was stunned, and hurried to open the door. Bachmann bolted out and fled, crying, to an SUV outside. Then she called the police, saying, according to the police report, that she was “absolutely terrified and has never been that terrorized before as she had no idea what those two women were going to do to her.”

The Washington County attorney, however, declined to press charges, writing in a memo, “It seems clear from the statements given by both women that they simply wanted to discuss certain issues further with Ms. Bachmann.”

Well that’s exactly it! It’s not the terrible gays she has a problem with, its unscripted questions she’s violently afraid of.

“What an amazing imagination,” marveled Pamela Arnold. “Her ideology is so powerful that she can construct a reality just on a moment’s notice.”

Only when she forgets to take her medicine, my friend, only when she forgets to take her medicine.

Some people call it crazy, but these days, you can just call it Republican!

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