What Do Republicans And Dinosaurs Have In Common?

The Three Stooges

It’s tough to be a Republican these days. Seems like no one is down with the Grand Old Party, ever since that W guy peaced out of the White House and into the Witness Protection Program in Dallas. Not even superstars like Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh, and Michael “Hip-Hop” Steele are enough to save the Party from going the way of the dinosaurs.

A new Gallup poll reveals just how close the Grand Old Party is from extinction, yet unlike their prehistoric counterparts, this cataclysm has nothing to do with asteroids or comets, but something far more ominous: eight years of George W. Bush.

Not content to just ruin America, rape the economy, and drown New Orleans, our friend George figured what the hell, why not destroy the entire Republican Party while he’s at it.

In fact, since Bush first doomed us by taking office in 2001, those identifying themselves as Republicans has fallen faster than America’s standing in the world, with sharp decreases in almost every demographic.

Over the last eight years, GOP self-identification among college graduates has fallen by ten points (13 if you include postgraduate education), nine points among 18-29 year-olds, five points among married people, eight points among unmarried, nine points in the Midwest, six in the East, five in the West, and even four points in the South. The South, for crying out loud! (Though, one can only assume this isn’t including the secession parade of Georgia, Oklahoma, South Dakota, and of course, sassy ringleader Texas).

All in all, what was once an even split in 2001, has now morphed into a 53%-39% shellacking by Democrats over their zit-faced, redheaded step-child, the Republican Party.

But it’s not all bad. Turns out the GOP suffered no decrease with the ever-important Jesus freaks (frequent churchgoers) and only showed a one-point loss among gun nuts and homophobes (conservatives), and anyone who considers Brown v. Board of Education to be America’s kiss of death (those 65 and older).

Hey, look at the bright side, at least your base still loves you!

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