What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas?

No Foot Tapping, Just Some Old-Fashioned Cheating!

Look on the bright side Republicans, at least Nevada Sen. John Ensign’s torrid extra-marital affair was with a young female staffer on his payroll, not an anonymous cop in the Minneapolis airport men’s restroom. Congratulations!

Turns out, Johnny boy wasn’t even messing around behind his wife’s back, since all this monkey business didn’t happen until after he was already separated from his lovely wife Darlene, who you’ll be happy to know, still “loves” her no-good, cheating scoundrel of a husband very much.

While Ensign’s marriage may have become “stronger” after his little sexual indiscretion, his presidential aspirations unfortunately haven’t fared quite as well.

Confessed just two weeks after a visit to the Republican presidential-primary state of Iowa, Ensign’s affair not only strips him of his leadership status in the Senate and 2012 White House hopes, but perhaps more importantly, undermines his conservative street cred as a fervent crusader against homosinuality, intercourse, and fun of any kind.

Before he let his man muscle ruin his life and status as the GOP’s Great White Hope, 51-year-old Ensign was on the fast-track for success, with his holier-than-thou, hard-right voting record earning him a 100 percent rating from the Christian Coalition.

A born-again Christian and member of the Promise Keepers, a Christian evangelical ministry that emphasizes traditional family values, Ensign is known for his zero-tolerance policy towards sexual indiscretions, starting with his demands for President Clinton to resign after admitting to catching a couple of BJ’s in the Oval Office.

Mr. Perfect over here also led the charge to oust disgraced Republican Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig from the Senate after he pleaded guilty to soliciting gay sex (gasp!) from an undercover cop in the infamous homo bathhouse known as the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport men’s room.

However, Mr. Morality Police Ensign, made no such resignation demands of fellow scumball, Louisiana Republican Sen. David Vitter, after confessing to an affair with a high-priced prostitute, since his sordid sex romp was with an of-age female whore not a burly man cop pretending to be a gay. Duh!

Everyone knows extra-marital sexcapades are only acceptable when it doesn’t involve a Democrat, teenage Senate pages, or same-sex abominations before God. It’s the Golden Rule!

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