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Ah Mittens. Fresh off a most undeserved and uninspired victory over a gelatinous blob of ethical lapses and abandoned wives in the Florida Republican primary, Willard “Mitt” Romney proceeded to promptly squander all momentum and break the Golden Rule of presidential politics: pretend not to be the cold, heartless, asshole you really are. Whoopsies! You see, to […] When you think of the perfect Halloween costume, usually the first thing that comes to mind is something that really captures the terrifying reality and unimaginable desperation of homeless people, with no food to eat, clothes to wear, or even a roof over their heads. Because, seriously, what makes you want to dive into a […] In these trying economic times when money is scarce, jobs even scarcer, and rational behavior crushed and ground into deliciously nutty human tea bags, where o where will we find a presidential candidate fearless enough to stand up for the rights of the biggest victims of all, the poor, sad, helpless, mega-corporations? Look no further than […] “Wishes In The Wind” While the rest of the nation is abuzz over important things like mysterious underwear-covered crotch shots of a public official with the dual misfortune of having a last name synonymous with a penis, and an unhealthy obsession with his own penis, America’s lovely crop of new Republican governors have settled in nicely, […] Much like fellow brokeass Midwestern hell-state being destroyed by a psycho Republican governor with a deep-seated hatred of poor people, Wisconsin, Michigan too is facing a serious budget crisis with a deficit of $1.4 billion, largely thanks to those greedy, money-grubbing teachers and plumbers unions always demandin’ fair wages and basic health coverage. And much like […] |
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