The Gospel Of Dick

God, I’ll miss this man. It’s only been two weeks, yet I almost forgot how lovably delightful our former vice president can be.

Like in the latest interview, where Dick spreads his usual sunshine and good cheer by predicting the catastrophic end of days all because America decided to elect some terrorist-loving socialist as its leader.

The U.S. could’ve just as easily opted for continued prosperity by switching around a few constitutional “inconveniences” (like those pesky term limits) so true patriots like himself and Dubya could protect America indefinitely.

Take it from Dick.

“National security is a tough, mean, dirty, nasty business. These are evil people. And we’re not going to win this fight by turning the other cheek.”

You hear that people? Enough with that Hippie Jesus bull-sh*t. The only thing peace, love and brotherhood of man ever did for Jesus was get him strung up on a cross.

If you really care about this country perhaps you should stop wondering, “What Would Jesus Do?” and instead ask yourself “What Would Dick Do?”

The answer is whatever the f**k it takes.

Wheels Just Mean I Move Faster!

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