The Truth About Spies Is They Sure Can Lie!

Surprise! Turns out the CIA is very good at something other than finding weapons where they don’t exist. They can lie with the best of them! Especially when it comes to “concealing significant actions” from the dumbos in Congress, which they’ve been doing with ease since 2001, according to a letter from CIA director Leon Panetta to seven Democratic lawmakers.

Which is only slightly awkward since Mr. Spy Chief Panetta just testified to Congress in May that “it is not our policy or practice to mislead Congress—that is against our laws and values.” Oops.

Now this has Congress all in a tizzy. They are quite skilled at looking stupid and don’t need the CIA’s help in this matter, thank you very much.

Of course, because the letter in question doesn’t describe the nature of the actions hidden and neither lawmakers nor the CIA would provide details, it is difficult to determine who knew what (no one/nothing?) and who lied to whom (everyone?).

What we do know is that this not the first time Congress and the CIA have come to blows over the spy agency’s “information gathering” techniques, namely the Bush administration’s favorite activity of drowning suspects with Evian bottles. Which it should be said is closer to a luxury bath than torture.

Rep. Rush Holt, a New Jersey Democrat who chairs a House subcommittee on intelligence, and was among the lawmakers who signed the letter, said the information that was hidden from Congress was not over a small issue, but “serious stuff.”

“Our reason for writing the letter in the first place has to do really with the integrity of Congress and the balance of powers.”

Well in that case, no worries. Congress never had much integrity and the balance of powers is simple: The White House calls the shots, the CIA carries it out, and everyone agrees to ignore Congress. It’s only when that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi woman starts poking her nose around that the CIA is forced to lie.

Damn Nancy Pelosi, she always ruins everything!

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