Forward-Thinking RNC Hopes To Reclaim 1990s Glory With Ad From Same Decade

HAHAHAHA. Well, well Republicans, you’ve finally done it! You’ve managed to produce something simultaneously hilarious and stunningly fresh. I mean who would have thought to twist those “priceless” MasterCard ads into a 30-second warning against Obama’s reckless shopping spree to bankrupt America? It’s just pure brilliance!

Using your ObamaCard to drown your country in debt, settle […]

After All This Time, Dick’s Still Hard-On Iran

Human defect Dick Cheney continued his increasingly bizarre whirlwind tour across America, bringing his unique brand of doom to select cities around the country.

Most recently, Dick took his new role as the world’s creepiest chatterbox to New York City, so he could watch his sexually confused (aka lesbian) daughter Elizabeth make him proud by spewing […]

Obama Looks To Congress To Help The Gays "Ask And Tell"

President Barack Obama may be down with the gays (in that he doesn’t want to ship ’em off to a remote island), but some members of the rainbow mafia aren’t satisfied. I guess all of New England just isn’t good enough for some people!Those greedy gays just won’t leave Barry alone now that he […]

Southern States Love America So Much They Want To Dissolve It

North Vs. South, Redux

Red states are movin’ out! America’s cuckoo southern friends have finally tired of the snooty, upper crust ways of us northern heretics and have decided to press their luck alone, without us slave-hating states to keep them down.

First, it was Texas who threatened to secede from this godless Union on account […]

Clowns To The Left, Jokers To The Right. Here He Is, Stuck At This Dinner With You

America’s premier entertainer-in-chief Barack Obama did not disappoint at Washington’s annual Nerd Prom also known as the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this past Saturday night.

There, this strange man calling himself Barack Obama and claiming to be the president, brought the 2,500-3,000-strong (depending on who you ask) journalist-and-celeb-filled house down with wit, charm, and enough […]

The GOP Is As Healthy As Its Leaders

Hi, I’m a fat pile of sh*t who spews venomous hate in the absence of having any formal education or marketable qualities other than a weirdly obsessive love of all things radio. Can I please be the leader of your Party?

Conservative radio host, hate-monger, and dear leader of the Republicans, Rush Limbaugh has no time […]

This Is One Bizarre Love Triangle We Could’ve Done Without

Umm, yeah, this is gonna be awkward. So I’m just gonna go ahead and save you the suspense: It’s his kid.

You already know pretty boy family man John Edwards was running around screwing some broad–er make that his mistress–while he ran for president of the world and his wife battled cancer. He’s just […]

Bank Stress Tests Show Under Mattress Still Best Option For Stashing Funds

To the shock and dismay of no one, Bank of America and Citigroup announced they are once again broke as hell and in dire need of some fresh taxpayer dough to continue squandering in obscene and offensive ways.

Stress tests of the 19 largest U.S. banks confirmed suspicions that Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and […]

Forget Swine Flu, Gay Marriage Bug Threatens Entire Northeast!

Oh no! While America was being distracted by the pig AIDS pandemic, a much scarier virus was busy creeping across our fair land.

I’m talking of course about the dreaded gay marriage bug tearing through the Northeast this spring, easily taking Ben and Jerry’s hedonist commune Vermont, before striking New Hampshire, and now Maine. We’re talking […]

America, Meet Your Newest Resident "Expert" Sarah Barracuda Palin!

Well, well look who just went out and earned herself a little expert title while we weren’t looking. None other than ice princess Sarah Palin, governor of America’s resource-rich Russian watchdog, the great state of Alaska!

So you can imagine how delighted House Republican Whip Eric Cantor was to welcome Miss Palin as the newest shining […]